“You’re a loose cannon! Turn in your gun and badge! And gauntlets.” - Goth Cop

This summer on USA Goth Cop.

@katiefzack @annakendrick47 @nickbossross Katie every time we make fun of nick we use #nickslam please feel free to do so @dschnoeb

The Rock definitely writes all his own dialogue.

@fightforfood someone had to

Just so we’re clear I don’t WANT to see Matt Damon’s penis I NEED to see Matt Damon’s penis.

What’s the over/under that Matt Damon will hang dong in that Liberace movie

That was actually my beeper going off in Kid Rock’s Bawitdabaw sorry guys was very unprofessional of me.

@davelosso hey shut the fuck up I’m on Tokyo drift now you fuck

Rush will be the first Jedis inducted into the Rock’n Roll Hall of Fame.

Edward Fortyhands but with Fast & the Furious movies.

No one will cry harder when Kanye West dies than Kanye West.

Business idea: seeing eye snakes

Been to the Gilmore Girls Wikipedia page one too many times today.

Best Week Ever is written entirely by parody accounts.

.@dsgermain like 90% sure you’re going to pull out a switchblade comb sometime during your special.

@molly_kats the clapping

So glad Metallica didn’t put anything out after ‘88.

@andreeahluscu that’s better than the ones you pay for

Hi! *HEADBUTT - babies