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  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    There’s a party in my pants and you’re inviHELLO THE COASTERS ARE THERE FOR A REASON WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

    • 47
    • FAVS
    243597KevinPughPugh__Beau_IRLschultzkieskinkothecatcatalinaizegreatgwarnsbyumlolwhut
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    chrissie92pitrulzJillLeigh99OrTomorrowBleachedAlbinoravekeuningcarnagemayhemoutofmyplanet
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    I think there's a smudge on.̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨.̸̸̨̨my screen! Oh wait, no, it's moving with the text as Twitter refreshes.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    graceetceterakrestashinpandaflangebuikahnfeedheath7sKayleighBlkmrejasonrm
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    WogansHeadiratusChananaeikhalid655x70061x____AndreSteenlandPopulicideAzizAlSayedmattsharawara__
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Just tried to log on to Twitter on my iPad. Turns out it was an Etch-A-Sketch and I don't even own an iPad.

    Also, I'm out of vodka.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    CseashellsgraceetceteraburgerkrangkatgraykLouisA47007thingamabobbyMarxamusBeccyR
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    nickf__gegravesAnotherITGuyFoxSynergystephenbattyeescalatoroverNyx2701andanin
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    I support abortion.

    Only in cases where it’s absolutely necessary though, like when someone is pregnant and they don’t want to be anymore.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    SlimDogShimmyendorathewitch_oculusmundi______JeremiahTBrownrkwrkbfionaheleninevitablewavesbrennaisfour
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    JeremiahTBrownmisguidedmuserRedheadEditioninevitablewavesbrennaisfourgenwilliamsBrettMWalterslaurenleanne_
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    I probably make 2 or 3 Freudian slips a gay.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    LittleLostLadPrincessMissDeePBonesRobinBaileyfrostinglickr___Laurel___fuddlemarkdavelockett
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    satnam99DavieLegendKiwiseabreezestinginthetailVivianeMaetedcarstensenmmmmuehlbauerrachaelebb
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish… She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    thetodditygraceetceteraburgerkrang100blond4lifealexlawsonbabbleRefluxlauren_reowmuskley
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    mmmmuehlbauerslmcgahanRosieRightEyeBet_It_All_OnGOATAnonLifeofNikkiSixxalexlawsonkelzorr
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Good handjob tips:

    1. Put your mouth on it.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    san_san_myintgoulcherelleluminiummissjessieleexgroantweetgroan__wardeeneegavinpivottSkippingthelite
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    DavieLegendWuckingFankerRana_RaysmishsquishfishhamfrittafremnetVulcanBiatch______D_Keating
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    I just bought a scotch that's old enough to buy it's own scotch.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    graceetceteraCreepyGuyethanjaneschuckt808vfraicheDerlsyMrJamesMcNultyDylanHaro
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    GuyHorevThe_PoparaziMooreKristaroguesushiBF_JonesSTACISMAILJennLuckManginaMcCool
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Hey Melbourne Instagrammers, I haven’t seen a screen grab of your weather app yet, what does it look like?

    • 9
    • FAVS
    flowershoesPurpleinsanitynathanrodgerdrueyspookmanthanikitarghShayleeActuallynickf__
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    ellaelaboratechiswicknickNemesis556StevenImpsonnathanrodgerfavstar_popAmLizabethagentsarah6
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    A new study finds that people who feel lonely don't sleep as soundly because it's hard to get comfortable with all those cats in your bed.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    two35amStebro314__jennytidmangraceetceteraNaeDaniellenikitarghnavesssa
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    CurlyGirl1190bingowings14Stebro314__ste_vee____swanology_MarkBucko1debbsiemknitboy
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Ego and super-ego walk into a bar. Bartender says, “I’m gonna need to see some id.”

    • 8
    • FAVS
    fount8chasehappydaysgrand_fantasymjfiorelloNannaHannahkateisgreatokprcrstn8nmstrb8carnagefairy
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    fount8OliJames91JakehelliwellNewKiller_StarhypostaseCarmynGastBeautiful_Gillmariakontogrgos
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Game of Thrones Drinking Game.

    Rule 1: Drink until it stops hurting.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    KeyedUpJess______MsLozzaloulileiashwoodntSARAHVELLIiamnattlesstphbndtaraceebeejxob
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    ashwoodntJohnnyCroxfordbeccachooDianaLomacchioSARAHVELLIAdskittlesiamajeanius91Imagineer
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Tomorrow’s news: Obama brings back Firefly, Lost. Cancels Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    sebsharp__________nickf__madebymareeXNatalieTonksXmjohnblack______BevanFinalFormb0yceetumbletongue
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popnickf__BubbaRushGarenArargilTomWhaleyMax_D_thozubinmoosamarchofclouds
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    “How can I make this about me?” - the internet.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    GirlDetectiveSontraRobinBaileygblakemangiromidenapsnatcherjaydensmommieeyemadequiet
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Dudesitafanny_fairstefanitzafavstar_popdeclanfWaschanstalt______indefensible
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Good to see you enjoying all of the things you wouldn’t, couldn’t, and didn’t have time for doing, with me.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    shivitvohraanotheriqbalshrinivas_nmRoflGandhi_Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    i_md_usmankapwadsolankiviren10prateek_r2WHW_HeisenbergrhythmDvine1109santu2580ele_pant
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Exit the womb, they said

    Life will be great, they said.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    tomdefeatJustHelensdalelacymeegscPeta_xoladydizzy______LefthandedChimpJay_Vs_World
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    CarinaJaneBkristyrebeccachloe_guerin______TeamCarissaladydizzy______WattersRachelJay_Vs_Worldminburke
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Marshmallows don’t dissolve, they use hot chocolate as a means to teleport to their homeworld.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    ProBookDesignersamjermy87butter_cuddlescheshninetyDavieLegend
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    KateAshdown1BradleyLawAndyCarolanRedStar240Illiziansamjermy87Er0_0sadieXport
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    I just made a milkshake, now there's all these dudes hanging out in my front yard. Bloody hell.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    graceetceteralexieviolin__ThugshRugshRachno_c0astLaSpanglishFly____diegoalexandernavesssa
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    outsidethe3favstar_popjuratobitchhamletpriThugshRugshRachSui1977emlypiePhil_Tucker
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    M.C. Escher constantly walks into a bar.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    napsnatchersomtummy_spaceMikaelaJaneArtthespurofthings
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    damon140S7UmitchellhaywoodLifebySeleneLozVoxGraceBellavueandrewt_i_b_l_twistieman
  • izapayne
      SP @izapayne

    Random girl from IG posts selfie wearing a Coffee Emporium shirt. Walk to nearest Coffee Emporium. She's working. Total stalk time: 80 secs.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    amgmareeeeMr_GrumbleDavieLegendquiteawfulnickf__elleluminiumspookmanthaemrlouise
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    ItsMattTimeDavieLegend
@izapayne

@izapayne

Director, Editor, all-around-Or guy.