I watched The Bachelor last night for the first time and after 5 minutes I was more amused at the thought of my death.

ahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha dead pic.twitter.com/pDFnuLItxZ

have you guys seen the Buick commercial with Shaq? he's a fuckin monster compared to that car. is that even legal? I'm calling the cops.

Tyler the Creator has a monotone voice and everyone eats that shit up.
I have a monotone voice and nobody even wants to hear me speak.

dick harder than the math test I didn't study for.

Because he'd rather get stabbed to death.
“@kennedyblairrr: I don't understand why Jace just won't go to church with me”

My mom just gave me $15 and I feel rich. #unemploymentproblems

Kelsey is a very nice girl and I like her but she fucked over one of my best friends so that's not cool man

TRIVIA: Who sucked her boyfriends friends dick while they were together, then moved on to another one of his friends after they broke up?

Fun thought: What if you have kids and they turn out to be little emo scene weird ass mother fuckers

Fighting with your best friend is so shitty & you'll regret it because he'll move away & you'll be like "fuck why couldnt I have been nice"

Just had to write a story about my best friend and I honestly almost shed a tear so hey I have emotions!

@septembawest twitter friendships last forever ~~~~~**<3**~~~~~

I JUST LOVE MY LIFE AND MY FRIENDS AND i fuckin hate spiders BUT OTHER THAN THAT LIFE IS PHUCKIN GR8

I really feel like I'm in a good place and everything is good and the people I've surrounded myself with are cool and no drama and yeah dude

You're the dude that sniffs girls underwear...

...and nobody likes that dude.

Just caught myself LOLing while rocking back and forth and biting my knee alone in my room so hello I'm completely sane.

Ouch my eyes got fucked by satan pic.twitter.com/XRc3x749Zb

🏄 (me surfing away from all my problems)

Probably the greatest compliment I've ever received in this history of ever lol pic.twitter.com/AADBPRWS6w