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My mom didn't even give birth to me. I was just removed via C-section which is the ultimate Mothers Day gift: a non-ruined vagina
A black dude doing summer sales came to Josh's ... Anyway, he's hittin the bong with us now 😂😂
Guess who doesn't give a shit about the pictures you took at the Festival of Colors??
Hint: it's me
Tayler Cutrubus is going to heaven no if's and's or but's.
Even if God isn't real. She's going.
Killed Josh's fish (as a joke), knocked over the beer pong table, broke the bong, spilled gin everywhere... I'm so fun to party with!
"I hope this is just a stupid comment and you already know this, but you are not taking marijuana on the plane to Italy." - my mom 😑
All the funny shit you see on twitter was posted on Tumblr like 4 months earlier 👐 just sayin...
When I went to Catholic school our counselor told us people can die from having 1 drink of alcohol so maybe that's why I dont trust religion
Some dude just rode past me on a bike on Webers campus and wasn't using his handle bars.
Needless to say, my panties evaporated immediately.
Happy Valentines Day, everyone.
Hope you get your dicks wet.
All I want for my birthday is a big booty girl that respects herself
Everyone is so fuckin lame
I'm so protective of people it's stupid.
Yeezus is one of my favorite albums
Forever attracted to 80's Madonna
I'm gonna fuck my former teacher 🙇
"I'm okay with gay people I just don't like when they show it off and say they want equal rights." - Omar being 300% serious 😂😂
A couple talked about having sex later today while I scrubbed bugs off their car.
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