I am going to be on the Conan O'brien show on Feb 12th. YEAH. I'm excited. First late night tv set for me. yay. #myownhorntoot

how much ice cream is dinner?

We should move tax day to the fourth of July to remind people that freedom isn't free.

I WILL be opening for @mariabamfoo Tues/Wed at Austin, TX's Cap City Comedy Club... Yes, we're ALL surprised and pleased.

here's the other!  http://twitpic.com/c38jhv 

it's NICE,guy with a million followers, hat you favorited my tweet.just RT it.9 more people might follow me.this is my life. tweet.

When, in comedy, every sentence is a question-as a set up.I become impatient. I enjoy a statement. Yes, we have all bought gifts for people.

Here's one picture.  http://twitpic.com/c38i6d 

I just practiced my Conan set at Michael Raynor's kids juggling and magic show at 430pm at Flappers Burbank. I killed. #ages4to11

My 2nd greatest character defect is that I'm impatient and mean to idiots. My greatest character defect is I don't regret it.

Twitter is where my family can't find me.

Again, We Ask That You Watch Jackie Kashian Be Awesome For Her Late Night Debut on Conan - thecomedybureau: G…  http://tmblr.co/ZCzIKyeH3FV_ 

Stand up is the last bastion of democracy. It's free. Anyone can call themself a comic. Anyone can do it. No one can make you stop doing it.

One of the dogs nipped at my leg & I said, aloud to a tiny dog,"if you don't stop that,you and I are going to have words" #wordswithtinydogs

Don't these people have daughters? #GOP

io9 LIKES me. I'm kinda psyched.  http://io9.com/13-smart-podcasts-that-will-feed-your-hunger-for-knowle-472895324 …

#MoontowerComedy I'm opening for bamford tonight, Reggie watts tomorrow night and doing a couple other sets around Austin this very weekend.

“@kylekinane:I'd be really conflicted if an assault weapon was used to eliminate the members of the Westboro Baptist Church.”I like this guy

When I can't get my nephew to call me back I just change the password on my Netflix account.

It's going to be fine. You're doing the best you can. Keep up the good work. Take care o' each other out there. And... Good mornin.