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I got a pet rock but Its no company at all!
Its always stoned!
I wonder if dogs ever do it human style...
I was very naughty all year and it was totally worth it! stuff your presents n holier than thou attitude, u judgemental bastard!
Follow anyone....everyone's funny here...
Some people just suck the life out of you!
All I ask karma is that it turns into fat !
I'd make a lousy detective. ..I can't even detect sarcasm!
Awwww, thanks mom, I love that you do my laundry too!
People say you can't find happiness at the bottom of a glass...
Stop stating the obvious no ones happy when the liquor runs out asshole!
I perform best under pressure...
Pressure of my man's body!
It only takes a few precious seconds to show someone how you feel about them...
Apparently the cops call it "attempted murder"! Whhatevaaa!
I never drunk dial or text !!!
The Vodka does !!!
The voices im my head just filed a restraining order against me :(
People keep telling me act your age! All I can say is fuck you, I've never been this age before how should I know how to act!
My Ex: you are fucking stupid !
Me:Not anymore,I used to be fucking stupid...but we are through, stupid!
If life gave me lemons I'd sell 'em and go buy shoes!