I wonder what a Dylan Thomas the Tank Engine poem would be like.

Victoria's Secret show claims it has the sexiest women in the world. Nonsense. There's not even a single librarian in the bunch.

"Mitch better have my bunny." --Dyslexic Pimp

One never sees an "I'd Rather Be Fucking" bumpersticker, does one? This illustrates the fundamental dishonesty of the human race.

http://t.co/ryGr4WXk word of the day is Noctilucent. That word is just made of pure sex, right there.

I don't use my powers for evil, but I do use them for chaotic good.

In an alternate reality, Alex Ross/Bob Ross are switched. Happy little Batman covers. Landscapes with square-jawed trees lit from below.

@nikkilowery hang on, now. Filthy bitchery is hardly an apologizing offense.

Some days you don't want to work. Some days you just want to spend all day curled up in bed with a warm contortionist.

Is Oscar the Grouch a Time Lord? His trashcan is clearly bigger on the inside.

Gonna start a food blog, and it will be both informative and ridiculous and delicious. It'll be informadiculiscious.

You know, I often brain too much. But now isn't one of them.

I was tediously self-congratulatory BEFORE there were hipsters

The only thing worse than not talking about Oscar Wilde is paraphrasing badly and forgetting stuff.

clinically dead is like air-quotes dead, maybe?

"Portrait of the Artist as a Super Freak" by Rick James Joyce, author of "Give It To Me, Dublin."

@nikkilowery When life gives you Shemp, make Shempagne.

I've felt an acute deficit of whimsy lately. I need shenanigans and perhaps a jot of folderol.

@robertsmith has no tweets. Follows no one. 29,562 followers. Huh.

@nikkilowery I just want to applaud you both.