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Well SOMEBODY is being vague and passive-aggressive.
Where, in the constitution, does it say that I can't stand unnecessarily close to strange women and smell their hair?
Guess who has two thumbs and a brand new table-saw. Sorry, one thumb.
One more day and Christmas will be gone for seven months!
If a guy owns even one piece of Tapout gear, rest assured that he has never had the "the book was better than the movie" conversation.
If you drive a white SUV, your kid's name probably has more vowels than it needs.
Irene is expected to make landfall at the Jersey Shore as a Category 1 and leave with a fake tan, sweet abs, and a shitty nickname.
Vacation tip: swim-up bars can also be pee-at bars.
If you put a wreath on the grill of your SUV during the holidays, keep your boring vagina away from me.
I'm not racist but all Chinese food menus look the same.
Mitt Romney: "I will act to repeal Obamacare, unless you guys want me to act like a monkey. In that case I can totally act like a monkey."
Facebook is the best thing to happen to the attention-starved since cutting.
Just had lunch at Taco Bell with a few others who have decided that avoiding diarrhea isn't a top priority.
It's trying to rain, but it just can't pull the trigger. Apparently this storm has some inclimacy issues.
How adorable would it be if we all just turned into kittens tomorrow?
WE DIDN'T HAVE SKINNY JEANS WE HAD JESUS