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  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    The first step is admitting that you're a problem.

    • 169
    • FAVS
    ivanag80foodandwhiningAngryBieberrolandfoxfabian_dustIsJonasoenin__Lilykily
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    At Target buying a Transformers toy based on the movie that was based on the cartoon that was made from the toys.

    • 103
    • FAVS
    foodandwhiningSazzyahrolandfoxangleofattackChan_ChanIsJonasoenin__FabulousWendy
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    I usually think of my ex as being a lot like chocolate except that I like chocolate and don't want to kill it with fire.

    • 93
    • FAVS
    PaulShkfoodandwhiningnicoplastyrolandfoxangleofattackChan_ChanIsJonasant_danielle
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    I just wish I could find a guy to love me for how great my boobs really are.

    • 84
    • FAVS
    angleofattackChan_Chand_g_IsJonasZippyBippyGreeblemonkeySnappyMcGeeOhReallyRach
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    I got my period last night so that explains why I've been so fat, lazy, and bitchy the past twenty years.

    • 81
    • FAVS
    ivanag80foodandwhiningnicoplastyIsJonasStillDrewGreeblemonkeyOhReallyRachhurtling
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME INSULT YOUR OUTFIT AND MAYBE YOUR HAIR, PROBABLY BEHIND YOUR BACK.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    nicoplastyKwazydawgangleofattackant_danielleFanEffingTastichotchicknwingsbeingtheodezadery
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    My mom, feeling hopeful about my love life after a match.com commercial- "THEY FOUND EACH OTHER ON THE INTERNET! YOU LOVE IT THERE!"

    • 68
    • FAVS
    IsJonasant_daniellebeingtheocaptainolyaOhReallyRachkriistieCutlerishA_N_G_E_L_I_N_E
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    I only have 57 problems, but like 19 of them involve bitches.

    • 65
    • FAVS
    IsJonasZippyBippybeingtheoOhReallyRachsteelopussblaufussBabylonianbwigginit
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    You know why they're called grandma panties, right?


    Because your mother is a whore.

    • 58
    • FAVS
    nicoplastyGreeblemonkeySnappyMcGeeTiffanyJMooreSuck_A_Duck__TDelbertNicky36_CalebK
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    Some people think it's weird that I say the word "eyeroll" instead of actually rolling my eyes.

    You understand though, right Internet?

    • 56
    • FAVS
    angleofattackEvokeIsJonasGreeblemonkeycaptainolyaSnappyMcGeePrezofEarthsteelopus
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    It's not you, it's just some of the things you do. And say. And think. And believe. And listen to. And wear. And eat. But that's it.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    angleofattackOfficialJennGreeblemonkeyMystique1975ZippyBippydentednjcaptainolyaSnappyMcGee
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    OHTHANKGOD, Valentine's day merchandise is finally out at Target.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    ant_daniellesteelopusA_N_G_E_L_I_N_EComputerGuy_FoxrinaedinbrianicusSuck_A_Duck___CalebK
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    I know I can't make everyone like me but I'm confident that with a little effort I can make sure no one does.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    ivanag80angleofattackant_danielledentednjbeingtheocaptainolyaSnappyMcGee_Swiftman
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    My son just turned down a Pop-Tart because he 'doesn't like the sprinkles' and now I have to find out who his real parents are.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    nicoplastyGreeblemonkeyZippyBippyant_daniellePrezofEarthsteelopusFussySaffaDadsUpLate.
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    Well what if I really *like* milk and that was the last cup I had left of it and WHY DO YOU GET TO MAKE ALL THE RULES ABOUT CRYING??

    • 47
    • FAVS
    Chan_Chanalsoyourmomant_daniellebeingtheoSnappyMcGeesteelopusDadsUpLate.Suck_A_Duck__
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    OMG! Albert is totally addicted to morphine! What will Charles Ingalls do?!?! Why am I still single?! What does outside look like?!

    • 46
    • FAVS
    steelopusnicoplastyChan_Chanfactualfiction_pigstubskimlisagorgoldengateblondjessifer1130
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    You're the Sully to my Dr. Quinn. The Almanzo to my Laura Ingalls Wilder. The John-Boy Walton to my I was homeschooled, this isn't my fault.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    nicoplastyangleofattackChan_ChanGreeblemonkeyant_danielledentednjSuck_A_Duck__jackholt
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    Don't go, Jason Waterfalls!

    • 42
    • FAVS
    nicoplastySpacemanQuispmayafishFabulousWendysteelopusSuck_A_Duck__Nicky36chrucci
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    leonwittonnicoplasty
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    You know how people say "Please excuse my French!" when they say bad words? Well it's because everyone in France has a dirty whore mouth.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    PaulShknicoplastyangleofattackurbanprojectzlafixSnappyMcGeeeljapiCutlerish
  • jaydensmommie
      Mary @jaydensmommie

    WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND KNOWS HOW TO COOK?!

    Cuz I need to feed some people.

    Mostly me.

    The thumbs are actually totally optional.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    angleofattackChan_Chanant_danielleCutlerishSuck_A_Duck__chrucciruthakersrheoflux
@jaydensmommie

@jaydensmommie

I got my period last night so that explains why I've been so fat, lazy, and bitchy the past twenty years.