Is it just me or is everyone an asshole?

Subtweets are best when at least 20 people think you're talking to them.

My ex and I had great sex. Then it turned into relationshit.

"Try a little tenderness..." If that doesn't work pin her against the wall.

The speed of the clock is directly proportional to me wanting to get the fuck out of here.

Just in case you're asking, I'd fuck you in a hummingbirds heartbeat.

When you care enough to send the very best...retweet and fave.

Treat people the way you want to be treated. Treat a woman like a bitch and that's exactly what you'll get.

True love and forgiveness are not easy. If they were there would be a lot more of it in this world.

I've never found a place were I've felt so at home with so many fucked up people.

So the boss was in the next stall in the bathroom talking business to me. Apparently he doesn't realize I went there to nap.

This tweet is scratch and sniff.

You don't have to be a Playmate. Just act intelligent, have a sense of humor and be confident in yourself. That's hotter than a blonde bimbo

“We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them.” John Waters

Thank you all for making me never feel like I'm drinking alone again.

Yes I fave and RT a lot. I read every one. And ony star/RT what I laugh at, relate to or can learn from. If that is doing it wrong. Fuck it.

I'm all in.

The mind is the greatest magician. It plays the cruelest and most alluring illusions.

Telling someone you love them is only 1% of the equation. You have to live it, show it and honor it or it's not love. Total commitment.

My theory is that if you name a body part in your handle, that is probably your best feature.