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2 Turtle Doves That Know They Are 90s Kids Because They Have Their Birth Certificates Which Is Rare For Doves #BadBuzzFeedLists
this year mayor #bloomberg pardoned a thanksgiving turkey, and then he was like JK and had a cop beat the shit out of it w/ a baton #ows
1/2 the ppl who get kicked off #chopped say "everything happens for a reason." usually that reason is assembling a gross plate of pre-puke
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY CRAP NEWT GINGRICH JUST DROPPED OUT OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE WHOAHHHHHHHH
pretty sick of "flip flop" being used as a political pejorative. can we start saying "crocs" or "tevas" instead or something
@iamcaroline i don't know if i even own anything i haven't given the middle finger to at some point
i didn't think i could really think less of @realjessecamp, but 12 yrs later @joemande has made it possible
@lila_engel I recently learned that there was a Maury episode in the 90s where the topic was "short twins"
cut it out w/ "ish." just say shit. ish sounds like you are a weird 11 yr old scared of getting grounded
the pitch for #splash maybe didn't mention diving? it was just "louie anderson crying, rudy huxtable in a bikini, and nazi joey lawrence"
congrats to Nick Cave, for giving us the least funny horse suits OF ALL TIME #nickcave #HEARDny
i do library stuff. i also co-host a monthly comedy show with @crappycinemacouncilnyc called CRAPPY CINEMA COUNCIL @ Public Assembly in WIlliamsburg, BK.
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