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Friends are like penguins. If you throw a polar bear at them, they die.
I saw a lady with 3 kids, a smoke in her mouth, and on her iPhone.. I just thought "wow what a terrible image you're setting.. For Apple"
WARNING if you see an email saying, "2 free tickets to Justin Beiber", DO NOT open it! It contains 2 free tickets to Justin Beiber!
Skype + Microsoft = Sky.net
Admit it. At one point in your life, you stuck a soccer ball in your shirt and said you were pregnant.
Dinosaurs are just lies fed to us to hide the existence of pokemon
So the new Titanic 3D is out... Maybe they'll see the fucking iceberg this time.
SEARCH "do a barrel roll" ON GOOGLE.
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
❒Single ❒Taken ✔Bacon
What if Joseph Kony makes a 30 minute video about an evil American film director who creates a corrupt charity and masturbates in public?
If Jesus could walk on water, and humans are 78% water. If I walk on someone, am I 78% Jesus?
I don't know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they'd post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Anyone who says having a child was the best moment of their life has obviously never had two Kit-Kats fall out of a vending machine at once.
🔋10 % 😫
Anyone else think Wile E Coyote is North Korea's Rocket adviser?
The story of a young woman's choice to practice either bestiality or necrophilia.
Twenty-Four, Comedian, Geek, TV/ Movie Guru, blogger, App Developer, wannabe composer & Lover of jumping castles! I am also bringing the word: Vagillion