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  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    "We need a table for 5 and napkins for 143."

    - Me with my family entering every restaurant

    • 624
    • FAVS
    fayresqueKittenMrowlRachelMFinnmillaramTigers930410knownAsDicklbasajsoonerick76
    • 318
    • RETWEETS
    RachelMFinnJustTwinsaneknownAsDickhallahsauls3moose_chocolatetweeetpagecgBaluMaxine12333
    derickgoldenrod__
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Doritos - my own personal love triangles.

    • 568
    • FAVS
    Reckless2128RestenfieldAJ_VanFossen4ScoreN20Bowlsbgirl314HanksWaffleTlaxBoy05WineyBeach78
    • 284
    • RETWEETS
    BryanCarteRestenfieldAJ_VanFossen4ScoreN20Bowlsdepravedmermaidbgirl314WineyBeach78TlaxBoy05
    kyle_thatisallKentTheG__________
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Learning karate in case I'm ever attacked by cinder blocks and wood planks.

    • 379
    • FAVS
    Restenfield4ScoreN20BowlsTlaxBoy05osoplainChalligatorEPMoonshineOTRpurplebylinePowKaPowBoom
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    Restenfield4ScoreN20BowlsTlaxBoy05osoplainjoanbushurChalligatorEPpurplebylinejunejuly12
    WhatsHerFace33
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    I have OCD and ADD. It's very difficult to stay focused on my obsessions.

    • 298
    • FAVS
    Restenfielddixie_normous76ClassyHooliganosoplainDestineyLynnPowKaPowBoomScotthobson1hythemafia
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    RestenfieldTlaxBoy05ClassyHooliganosoplainPowKaPowBoomScotthobson1girlontapasjunejuly12
    YesThatAmy
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Cap'n Crunch is basically just sweetened Legos.

    • 227
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldVicFutureHanksWaffleTlaxBoy05pinkdostoyevskyLin_BakerItsReallyStarMizzPopTart
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    RestenfieldTlaxBoy05pinkdostoyevskyl0l_whatevsMizzPopTartJBliggsflysapirateflagTheDailySchmuck
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    I bet Norwegian trucks are Built Fjord Tough.

    • 211
    • FAVS
    Restenfield4ScoreN20BowlsTlaxBoy05fastmofobansheeDiamondGirl127DrivelodeonThis_isnt_meSeiYoung83
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    4ScoreN20BowlsTlaxBoy05johnusmcgee71This_isnt_meSeiYoung83Scott_A_GilmorescootiekkTeejayRush
    Laddy42__________
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    If you don't know, it's also lonely at the bottom.

    • 203
    • FAVS
    Restenfield4ScoreN20BowlshythemafiagirlontapasExitThaWarriorfastmofobansheedru0887DrDweezil
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    4ScoreN20BowlsTlaxBoy05girlontapasstonedcoldlazyScott_A_GilmoreTeejayRushWebbPaganfingerrandomover2
    Lovetown1989______
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    You're gonna put your hand where?! - muppets

    • 187
    • FAVS
    SkipperStevensleslie444rnabbycohenwlwtftibs1960JohnnyCrash5notstatebcw2020greggoodman77
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    leslie444rnwtftibs1960greggoodman77mrjohntofutexasstalkermomjuneohara65TlaxBoy05DiamondGirl127
    themacmind
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    What's 100 ft long and has 21 teeth?

    The funnel cake line at the Kentucky State Fair.

    • 160
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldtxhomegrownVicFutureTlaxBoy05ExitThaWarriorDrDweezilOneFunnyMummyScott_A_Gilmore
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    RestenfieldVicFutureTlaxBoy05Scott_A_GilmoreawordforawordthexytharaMike_Hochertzseabe0309______
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    I make it a point to tell every hipster I meet that I think their clothes are super cool so they continually have to buy a new outfit.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    ExitThaWarriorfastmofobansheedadamantium__OneFunnyMummyScott_A_GilmorescootiekkTangyToastSchleckter
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    Bad_Disco123DumbConfessionsbluetractorawordforawordBillBull1107CMusky4213knot_eye_fever_dreamer_
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    These "mind over matter" people that walk on red hot coals - so what?
    Try replacing them with a 750 pc Lego set.
    Then I'll be impressed.

    • 136
    • FAVS
    ExitThaWarriorfastmofobansheedadamantium__DrDweezilOneFunnyMummyrachellemarkhamsoccerskiingmomScott_A_Gilmore
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    soccerskiingmomkirstymackYShriefGoldenSpiralsCnelson019Carola_olivia4212awordforawordthexythara
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    If ignorance is bliss then I'm stuck in traffic behind the happiest person alive.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    ExitThaWarriorfastmofobansheeDiamondGirl127dadamantium__OneFunnyMummysoccerskiingmomScott_A_GilmoreOBEY_1OAK
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    DiamondGirl127soccerskiingmomScott_A_GilmoreELEPHANTSiNJARSOhYeahILiedscootiekkSchleckterHollyNrs
    scootiekkVoiceofgarth
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    My Indian name is Dances With Little Debbie.

    • 127
    • FAVS
    ExitThaWarriorfastmofobansheedadamantium__OneFunnyMummyscott_towelTangyToastFredPollackwhodatqueen65
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    scott_toweldapptrapcjmills0319katharinepriDaHess1__lK8KjXZyBmH9d2bwendyraepearceDeannaWHAT
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Me: *please don't say toodles please don't say toodles please don't say toodles

    Coworker: I'm leaving now. Toodles!!

    Me:* sigh *loads gun

    • 126
    • FAVS
    fastmofobansheedadamantium__OneFunnyMummyTangyToastFredPollackSchleckterGoldenSpiralsSadPeruna
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    jergarlZombieMommy523Nelsonroseveltlovemydogduckfavstar1000favsB______P_____Matt_The_1stSchnitzengigglz__
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Twitter is where phone batteries go to die.

    • 107
    • FAVS
    ExitThaWarriorSeiYoung83CherylAllin1Grunkle_MarcSandyMalik9BaeBitch1OneFunnyMummyScott_A_Gilmore
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    SeiYoung83KhaleddAhmedamitawasthiba_TheSE7EN_NeelamSinha16aadv03Grunkle_MarcSandyMalik9
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Twitter: where everyone is addicted to either caffeine, bacon or alcohol, and hates wearing pants.

    • 112
    • FAVS
    ExitThaWarriorDrDweezilOneFunnyMummyscootiekkscott_towelTangyToastGoldenSpiralsMableGertrude
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    scott_towelfavstar1000favsa_olivia4212thexytharaWickedRapunzelHeltonKGoinsFresh_Coffeylovemydogduck
    mr_no_pantsJaden76
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Every time you see a married guy standing outside a dressing room holding a purse, a hole appears in the testosterozone layer.

    • 96
    • FAVS
    dadamantium__OneFunnyMummyTangyToaststbarthgirlcigarinforcedelasourcevonTraphaushanscs
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    mbunting1982cigarinfuzzlimehanscsGoldenSpiralsjadedjenny71ad_terrorema_olivia4212
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Their hygiene.
    There! Hi Gene!
    They're high, Jean.

    Spelling & punctuation do matter, kids.

    • 75
    • FAVS
    JayDeeHizzleHumor_FetishkayjoonOrangejoeehero_ofthenightth_purpl_ladyBurbidgeJamesokaypup
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    Orangejoeehero_ofthenightHecate41caseytduncanSweet_Rogue0dhilliard74sassyaudrey__MaridithJoy
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Baby Got Bach

    - 1700's rapper

    • 93
    • FAVS
    dadamantium__DrDweezilOneFunnyMummyTangyToastGoldenSpiralstheshantillyflashemberDumbConfessions
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    DrDweezilthexytharaknot_eyewarhorse76steveolivasZombieMommy523Rick_489shwebby2__________
  • jeffreyr77
      Jeffrey R @jeffreyr77

    Wife was ranting bout EVERYTHING this morning. I shoved a Snickers in her mouth bc she "needed a moment"
    It didn't work like the commercial.

    • 89
    • FAVS
    BentToastSeiYoung83dadamantium__all_about_todayOneFunnyMummyTangyToastGoldenSpiralsMableGertrude
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    BentToastSeiYoung83Cnelson019Carolmommamouse03BossyAndiKnowItknot_eyelovemydogduckTexasPatrick
@jeffreyr77

@jeffreyr77

Supernerd for movies, music, & books. Avid sports fan. @tjscq is the Princess Leia to my Han Solo.