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"We need a table for 5 and napkins for 143."
- Me with my family entering every restaurant
Doritos - my own personal love triangles.
Learning karate in case I'm ever attacked by cinder blocks and wood planks.
Cap'n Crunch is basically just sweetened Legos.
I have OCD and ADD. It's very difficult to stay focused on my obsessions.
I bet Norwegian trucks are Built Fjord Tough.
If you don't know, it's also lonely at the bottom.
You're gonna put your hand where?! - muppets
What's 100 ft long and has 21 teeth?
The funnel cake line at the Kentucky State Fair.
I make it a point to tell every hipster I meet that I think their clothes are super cool so they continually have to buy a new outfit.
If ignorance is bliss then I'm stuck in traffic behind the happiest person alive.
These "mind over matter" people that walk on red hot coals - so what?
Try replacing them with a 750 pc Lego set.
Then I'll be impressed.
My Indian name is Dances With Little Debbie.
Me: *please don't say toodles please don't say toodles please don't say toodles
Coworker: I'm leaving now. Toodles!!
Me:* sigh *loads gun
Twitter is where phone batteries go to die.
Twitter: where everyone is addicted to either caffeine, bacon or alcohol, and hates wearing pants.
Every time you see a married guy standing outside a dressing room holding a purse, a hole appears in the testosterozone layer.
There! Hi Gene!
They're high, Jean.
Spelling & punctuation do matter, kids.
Baby Got Bach
- 1700's rapper
Wife was ranting bout EVERYTHING this morning. I shoved a Snickers in her mouth bc she "needed a moment"
It didn't work like the commercial.
Supernerd for movies, music, & books. Avid sports fan. @tjscq is the Princess Leia to my Han Solo.
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