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I bet people with private accounts tweet a bunch of top secret stuff that none of us could handle anyway...
I'd like to punch the person in the stomach who decided to make oatmeal raisin cookies look exactly like chocolate chip cookies.
I bet hipster polar bears drink RC Cola and roll their eyes at those mainstreme Coca Cola sellouts.
The slogan for Google+ should be "sign in once and forget it".
You know the best part about being at work at 5am? Absolutely no traffic. You know what else? Well, no. That about covers it...
Good to see that my Facebook friends who were posting Waka Flocka videos last week have turned into political activists this week.
Writing a blog makes you an author as much as being funny on twitter makes you a comedian.
Ramen tastes a lot better when you choose to eat it and not because it's all you can afford.
I'm fine with never knowing what dubstep means.
It sucks that #Wikipedia is down because I prefer opinionated facts over real facts.
No one will ever love Ricky Gervais as much as Ricky Gervais loves Ricky Gervais.
At it's core, #discipleship is you caring as much about someone else's spiritual growth as you care about your own.
It's difficult for me to respect a grown man that uses "lol" on a regular basis.
Apparently most white people like to name their pets human names and their kids pet names.
4 door Porsche.
For those times when your midlife crisis just isn't responsible enough.
I'm pretty sure that every time someone compliments Joe Rogan he responds by saying, "I know".
Hey LinkedIn, no means no.
I'd love to ask my 3rd grade teacher how that metric system she made me learn is working out for her.
I'm a dad, I sell houses, and I really like sneakers. I vow to never post selfies or pictures of my food.
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