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it must be so scary being a quarterback, someone hands you a ball and then a bunch of rapists chase you #superbowl
if Instagram's new privacy policy is upsetting to you, then you've had a pretty great year
losing a twitter follower because of an abortion tweet is like losing a baby you wanted to get rid of anyway
it's weird to see a windowless white van with four missing children's posters on it because now it just looks like he's bragging
college football players, for future reference the only thing we want to know about your sex lives is that they are consensual
sometimes when I say "I like your tattoo" it really just means "I noticed you noticing me stare in horror at your permanent life choice"
it seems as if these high school rapists keep getting younger while I stay the same age
why is there not yet a love song called "You Make Me Act Like a Retard"?
jodi foster is having an awkward bar conversation with everyone #GoldenGIobes
just realized that I've never actually called someone "my boyfriend" but I have referred to a few people as "my ex-boyfriend"
even the bodega guy knows the AAA batteries I'm stockpiling aren't for a flashlight
stand up comic, former letterman writer, current producer at the daily show with jon stewart
Stats can't be shown as @JenaFriedman has never signed in to Favstar.
