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Drama is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Women who pretend to like football are the same women who pretend to be on birth control.
There are really only two things that matter in life: treating others with respect, & having a cuter face than whoever your ex is fucking.
Attention men: Any text you receive from a woman was actually composed by a minimum of three women.
Here's the thing, no gold medal is worth not having boobs.
Nothing bonds two women faster than giving them a third woman to hate.
If u need a weapon that fires 30 rounds of ammunition per pop to kill ANYTHING you're not a hunter you're a douchebag.
Remember, behind every crazy woman, there's an even more batshit mother.
Does anybody know where I can get one of those "Jimmy Kimmel Face Motherfucker" dolls for my nursery?
People who use the term "Sunday Funday" are just trying find a cute way to say "I'm an alcoholic"
I wish instead of reading "it's complicated" people's relationship statuses just said " I'm fucking a guy who won't call me his girlfriend"
I don't rely on scales to inform me I've gained weight. I just wait for a black guy to tell me I look hot.
A bedazzled cellphone is a great way to let people know guys cum in your face.
Wanna start a fight with a woman? Tell her to calm down.
" You should date black guys" - how girls tell each other they're fat
My favorite thing to do at parties is leave them.
Thank God your Instagram account is private so all your sunset pictures are safe. Just, THANK GOD!
If you're one of those chicks who constantly posts quote about what a good relationship is, I'm 99.9% sure you're in a bad relationship
Still down to do The Amazing Race w my husband's ex. For nudes of my dogs, follow me on instagram: @jennyandteets2