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  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.

    • 2,549
    • FAVS
    JoelBuxton_troyjohnsonWonderMonkey78RealJeremeyPenngrowlmeowdjr_102justinhookDonnie_Fairburn
    • 2,852
    • RETWEETS
    growlmeowElizDaShizlifecraftedwell___gabzAdorableAshtneyCanadianMclovinWapaa88jessica_rothi
    SamGrittner
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."

    • 2,874
    • FAVS
    DuprazKendra_troyjohnsonbrookay13apneanderthalMHendrickson18candidartichokeskankysnakeredeceptor
    • 2,106
    • RETWEETS
    candidartichokeredeceptorKRISTINB5150marciakhartwigBrdnHatesYouRadarCREWonderMonkey78growlmeow
    WonderMonkey78jaffryanlawyerthoughts
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    My favorite way to get ready for a party is to take a shower, climb into bed, and then not go to that party.

    • 2,398
    • FAVS
    mswhitneymuroffJoelBuxton_troyjohnsonJust_JuliannaRealJeremeyPennCaribe_Misteriadjr_102stuff99
    • 1,305
    • RETWEETS
    _JamesLeopoldclairexsimoneIlda_Lecterday_zombieBurnam1SparklebroomChristyLaurenMyeahsurewhatevs
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"

    • 2,310
    • FAVS
    TheSolClarkeliamccaBrittymigsCaitiMarlowebootyblanchesdconnortomabradyLowkeyTwits
    • 1,171
    • RETWEETS
    Leeuth_bootyblancheCaitiMarloweedddeduckEllelouisegirl__loudmouth_usatighegurjuliconforto
    MaryKoCojvanwink72themoviemuffin
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    If I ever find myself wearing a bathing suit with high heels I will know I made some serious wrong turns in my life.

    • 1,947
    • FAVS
    WonderMonkey78djr_102stuff99antoniosknightslex_reyyDonnie_FairburnJakkiMac21CanadianMclovin
    • 990
    • RETWEETS
    JennifersMindYiselMacNerdyHonestlegs__HereGalOGNaniKleeTheFunnyFelaTheDorkyFangirlannemlaclair__
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    It's every dyslexic man's dream to meet a nice girl named Hannah.

    • 1,168
    • FAVS
    WonderMonkey78stuartmwritesAus_CJCChrisroselemmywinklerhannahsawbridgedjr_102Donnie_Fairburn
    • 1,621
    • RETWEETS
    hannahsawbridgedjr_102jared_barkmangwrm2013JasonCarney31Paul_0617JustKickinIttt__miggyfiggyx3
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    Think my friend might have a coke problem. He kept going to the bathroom during lunch & every time he came back he did a line off the table.

    • 1,750
    • FAVS
    JoelBuxtonWonderMonkey78RealJeremeyPennhannahsawbridgeAus_CJlemmywinklerlit0_is_deaddjr_102
    • 914
    • RETWEETS
    lit0_is_deaddjr_102stuff99kathybotteasSamiAvigdorbrittanipinyonaddiecorlettGordoHelio
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    “Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.” – Terrible doctor.

    • 1,325
    • FAVS
    SirDilliganDonnie_FairburnCanadianMclovinTracktrailMakahiloGirlMcChucklenutsMandaLynn314ccrawford2012
    • 1,062
    • RETWEETS
    McChucklenutsMemphisBuddhabrucejennerluvrclubadubdubKyleMillerPIeRey27its24svnSeeMackMan
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    I see London, I see France, ok this train is going WAY too fast holyshit is that Madrid?!

    • 1,605
    • FAVS
    WonderMonkey78TwoAdultsjustinhookDonnie_FairburnibetuMitbitnitgritmorgandianekatieblankly
    • 611
    • RETWEETS
    boredbeckyofficeballerinawrstew5150kittycat821CanadianMclovinNickKsobiechMcChucklenutschelseye930
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    *checks email* *checks Twitter* *checks Facebook* *checks Instagram* *looks up at world for 9 seconds* *repeats for 60-70 years* *dies*

    • 926
    • FAVS
    JoelBuxtonWonderMonkey78nickchickownDrSMarteljustinhookDonnie_FairburnbluesymoodsHurricaneElNino__
    • 1,104
    • RETWEETS
    kathybotteasyourfaveletterAnuKPeaditsueBriggsHattongabrielletozerzachprague10thousandhangs
    christophrBrandonSings
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    "One last thing: Lorraine, may I take a photo of you for my binder?" #debates

    • 489
    • FAVS
    Donnie_FairburnCanadianMclovinatanenhaus_Mo_lee_weinerdog4lifeandyeriksonSaraThomas84pjlynch
    • 1,242
    • RETWEETS
    JayCee302____________dingusArikParnassSusenMcAlleoneBlue__AmericaMrEnergyCzarBayAreaBadger
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    "Don't be that guy." - Anti-identify theft slogan.

    • 697
    • FAVS
    CovertAgentPDonnie_FairburnPercySleeves__CanadianMclovinLachlanHTheTennisPhenomalleyofsinMcChucklenuts
    • 973
    • RETWEETS
    PercySleeves__favstar_historyMcChucklenutsWillis168Squad_Of_ChainzradicaljocyJackTinironKyleMillerPI
    JosesLovesYou
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    Been waiting in this bathroom for an hour and an employee has yet to come wash my hands.

    • 1,064
    • FAVS
    jdaroczykatvonwittdookstank314WonderMonkey78ReallyfamoussnishadtrivediDonnie_Fairburnnextgaga
    • 526
    • RETWEETS
    katvonwittWonderMonkey78ReallyfamoussnishadtrivedisumbodysbabygrlMcChucklenutsmike_farmmomel28
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    Should I go on the Paleo diet or annoy my friends some other way?

    • 1,053
    • FAVS
    weightlos30daysdjr_102Donnie_FairburnnextgagaCanadianMclovinTechRojoMattChegashspanielfortwo
    • 530
    • RETWEETS
    losecaloriefastTechRojobrettthatcherjestcoastMandaLynn314Krispy85famadeamerica_badluckbree
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    Goddamn it feels so fucking good to be part of America's largest 4G network.

    • 1,256
    • FAVS
    Sage_38fawnavalentinestuff99OldUncleDaveOCanadianMclovinamydillonjestcoastLukePohjala
    • 307
    • RETWEETS
    scottabledooriverwilliams6RyanRyeBreadbrocketxyzambienbabe__Dawlceeg00se0ndal00secaitlinvass
    dapptraparandomhim
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    "Is this seat Taken?" - Guy who confuses Liam Neeson movies with a chair.

    • 647
    • FAVS
    WonderMonkey78djr_102Donnie_FairburnCanadianMclovinDarthXavierMcChucklenutsanniebannanie7din0nuggetz
    • 828
    • RETWEETS
    McChucklenutsKyleMillerPIandrewcreamAntDiPalmaandymerzSirDineshkumarShwentoJasonCarney31
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    I've never written a first draft of something that didn't make me think anyone who read it would immediately cut ties with me as a person.

    • 690
    • FAVS
    Donnie_FairburnCanadianMclovinjestcoastCJZ_1dadakinjuneohara65sundressed__ThrockThis
    • 712
    • RETWEETS
    MandaLynn314favstar_historypscarlylesk_sophiaBBourqueSheilTristanOfieldmsullivanphotog__BookArrowHeart
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    "Jen died doing what she loved: googling someone's net worth on her phone while driving."

    • 1,041
    • FAVS
    _ItsJess23_JuniorbaconzndecarloalivilenskymonsyhansySzaleFerencDavisDaumDougEdgerly
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    Juniorbaconz____xtinedevamithranCampKafrainey_llabarbona1Zaaaidkfavstar1000favs
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."

    • 909
    • FAVS
    RyanKelleyTweetyamamandaAllieMcRealbadnewsiguanasdianajannuzzimorganhatesyoudaniel_searsReallyfamouss
    • 413
    • RETWEETS
    LouisaEtFilswanda57688457jwhalesyzanyewestsarahyurolazy_comedywadmalawdian1celeste_riley
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    What's the right age to tell a film that it's adapted?

    • 708
    • FAVS
    SirDilliganDonnie_FairburnCanadianMclovino1iviacamillealleyofsinDarthXavierWhyconoclastMcChucklenuts
    • 613
    • RETWEETS
    ralighthallReallyfamoussMcChucklenutstessamaeharrisKyleMillerPIKevinWolfySirDilliganAmeliaOMDickens
@jenstatsky

@jenstatsky

Writer (Parks and Recreation, Broad City, Hello Ladies, Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.) Lead singer (Train.)

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