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Wondering when my mom is going to notice I made her Facebook status "I'm pregnant! Never been happier" so far it's been 3 hours
I command you to text me
Never too old for the Tarzan soundtrack
Everything is fine until you get to the Maury section of YouTube
Don't trust a girl who retweets horny facts because there's a 79% chance that she's a crazy bitch whore
So tempted to comment on some of the posts in the prom dress group and say "take it back"
While changing Aoife bc she is incapable she says "you just touched my boob, what are you a pervert? Are you a fucking catholic priest?"
Only thing I hate more than grade 9and 10s are grade 9s and 10s in slutty elf attire
If you're an athlete AND a musician I give you full permission to have sex with me
My 8 year old cousin has a boyfriend. When I asked her why she said"because he's sexy and let's me ride his scooter" is scooter code or...
Don't trust a girl who sleeps with their bra on, either they're a demon or have no tits
Hate answering the door when I'm home alone...Always a possibility I could be kidnapped and sold to the russian mafia for child prostitution
Tip for guys: good morning texts will eventually lead to blow jobs js
Animal cruelty sickens me