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Guns don't kill people, the crushing weight of unfulfilled desires do
Crazy cat ladies aren't so bad, you should try hanging out with crazy spider ladies
Hey, how about if someone says they didn't mean to offend, we try taking their word for it instead of full on destroying their lives?
Hello Twitters, I'd like to apologize for sending you all links telling you to lose 27 pounds, I was hacked. Don't lose an ounce!
Any time you feel like a "good person" or a "bad person", chew on this: Gandhi's wife died bc he wouldn't let her take penicillin
Comedian, dirty folk rock musician (Pandora/iTunes) writer, @jessicadelfino on Periscope + Meerkat. I may've crashed your party once. http://jessicadelfino.com
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