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  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    I bought a pair of Undies yesterday.

    On the front it says, "I Will do Anything For Love"

    ..and on the back it says, "But I Won't do That."

    • 813
    • FAVS
    life_suckerYendor24kathybotteascodemandrillerwhiskey_girl33MrTallPaul1RachelLeigh227Faceyspace
    • 441
    • RETWEETS
    zarah_nMrTallPaul1max_pad21WhiteNoiseWomanmicky864FatherWithTwinsPoliticallyILL1patrickblkhwk
    HairyJew4LifefatubasticusKate_GoldsmithInamorata_Jenny
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    The first fuck is always an audition.

    • 607
    • FAVS
    cbudmerricklife_suckerkathybotteasMrTallPaul1XLeoFaustXPoliticallyILL1hirojesusredpawn3
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    macswajPOWDER_9Jenny4ashleyheyitskittenTHEBU_ZZEDScrewtapezrijalajizPalmerAvery
    PeterJPappasMrAdamBezrikpayneSchmoodles________
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Better ejaculate than ejacunever.

    • 487
    • FAVS
    merkmeleeDi0nysus7jenniferland_blondecalamitySlipperySecretcbudmerrickSirFlushaLotdarkroomv
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    Di0nysus7michisiOlaataMeaganNaughtyLazzLo_Ochy_Zacharykhalils_bYemisiSL
    B_poling82goodballs
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Before sex, u help each other get naked. After sex, u only dress yourself. Moral of the story; in life, no one helps u once you're fucked.

    • 360
    • FAVS
    cbudmerrickRachelLeigh227Jorge_Rosiemax_pad21nursesaricaGutiIslandjohn_gislasonbrookeivy
    • 233
    • RETWEETS
    max_pad21nursesaricaGutiIslandbrookeivynancy_yogapants__djpixilMonicaMongoosepurppeopleater
    castabignetPoliticallyILL1LadyBombs________
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Tip: Gently placing your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shh, not another word" is super romantic... but cops don't seem to think so.

    • 290
    • FAVS
    ICountBeansscbudmerrickMrTallPaul1RachelLeigh227Faceyspacemax_pad21jaynecomplainsdaniel_shaw
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
    max_pad21castabignetFilterlessFemmeredpawn3lmashellPOWDER_9pcarysheltonArtemisLoud
    GirltoMom
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego

    • 247
    • FAVS
    ICountBeansshirojesusredpawn3DrHowieMellPOWDER_9ablativeJoJenny4ashleyJacobThomas31____
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    POWDER_9JoatkonKayleeWallageJenny4ashleyryerywtrjrthytr__THEBU_ZZEDBareChestymadrigrober
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Everybody you have ever met came out of a vagina screaming in fear.

    • 195
    • FAVS
    life_suckerMrTallPaul1max_pad21brookeivyMongoBlushMeganKahanyshyn1BrokeMomma_blondiggity
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    nancy_yogapants__PsychedelicHercastabignetscarred_z_headPOWDER_9Jenny4ashleyFleqs_evander_
    LeeryLeary
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    You know you fucked up big time when you're reincarnated as a sock.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    cbudmerricklife_suckerArtIsMyPornRachelLeigh227FaceyspaceFrankE_Saysmax_pad21hirojesus
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    max_pad21AlyssaNicole66Ella_Belle_Lee____JustinH318jessemehlerJamieGreenleeschrisfrantzrikpayne
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Breaking news: The Jury overturns their decisions after seeing multiple angry tweets

    • 138
    • FAVS
    life_suckerPoliticallyILL1hirojesusredpawn3rushkg441dramafreemamaNoudiemalachadflashember
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    _GenghisKSamBK71NoudiemalachadPOWDER_9phillywild305abbyjane3DiBiasePosse3__leonsenekal
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    What If The Male Avengers Posed Like The Female One? http://t.co/nUM5StN4

    • 133
    • FAVS
    hirojesusJenny4ashleyIcumonboobz______HairyJew4LifeTuna_LoverRowdyBergeromfuckingfuck____Litra_In_Denial__
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    DBizzle45SabroutStephanieCreekMrNoncentsjimdoyalCanAzn73__________SchikiladeanJELLYcuh_
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    I wish I could commute to work by roller coaster.

    • 185
    • FAVS
    No_tact_hereSteveOHellNomax_pad21PoliticallyILL1hirojesusredpawn3AyshaAyshaJenny4ashley
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    No_tact_hereSteveOHellNospecialsauce2City_In_ColourFaithLoveTree____Leanne_PringleJustinHeyesRowdyBerger
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    If He's Just Not That Into You, tell him to wiggle around some more.

    • 187
    • FAVS
    cbudmerricklife_suckerMrTallPaul1RachelLeigh227max_pad21GroseraGirlmissymmkayallisobn
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    MrTallPaul1Sexy__Alimax_pad21castabignetPOWDER_9Mr_KapowskiBareChestyB_poling82
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Dear Twitter, I appreciate the offering of adding a location to my tweets, but I'd rather not be a CSI victim and be murdered in my sleep...

    • 175
    • FAVS
    PoliticallyILL1hirojesusPOWDER_9Jenny4ashleyMr_KapowskiJamieGreenleesryerywtrjrthytr__AndLive2Love
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    POWDER_9madrigroberSableFlare________steverudyk_kloh_eekatniiipNoTrophy4You______Jinxy00
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    The reason I swear so much is because fuck you.

    • 169
    • FAVS
    life_suckerhirojesusNoudiemalachadPOWDER_9Jenny4ashleyWtftabPeeNut1973TheSwanDon
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    POWDER_9PeeNut1973TheSwanDonMissMollly________THEBU_ZZEDOConnellComedyshastamcnasty7Dill_Pickle1996
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    I want all my contacts to take a picture of themselves squished against glass so when they call they looked trapped in my phone.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    No_tact_hereSteveOHellNocbudmerricklife_suckerMrTallPaul1DelanieFischermax_pad21jewfacekilla
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    No_tact_hereSteveOHellNomax_pad21BareChestyB_poling82madrigroberpieholeSarahfilling
    madrigrober
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a deaf person's orgasm.

    • 160
    • FAVS
    MrTallPaul1jewfacekillahirojesusPOWDER_9Jenny4ashleyJacobThomas31____Mr_KapowskiAndLive2Love
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    POWDER_9madrigroberkcmoTJdrunktweets81trishaliveSexyCamelaSUPERJAYBAG______steverudyk
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Want to get high for free? Tell a bunch of stoners you have never smoked weed before.

    • 128
    • FAVS
    cbudmerricknancy_yogapants__GroseraGirlHot_Mess14Fresh_CoffeyDuranPeterdaniel_shaw_blondiggity
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    brookeivycastabignetPOWDER_9BrieannaeveMr_Kapowskispecialsauce2x_JohnDoeeBadd_Religionn
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause your face is pretty fucked up

    • 134
    • FAVS
    hirojesusJenny4ashleyTheSwanDonJacobThomas31____ryerywtrjrthytr__AndLive2LovekelkillsIcumonboobz______
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    Ibanezmpkelkillsmadrigrobermommyof3bugscyclingfiend74BlacktheNinjaSteevasaurusToastedTrav
    Partlykidding
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaTigerScott88hirojesusgreciapapitasJenny4ashleyMr_Kapowskidwtorres83Cats4life_1
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    egfisher61BeingShubhamAMalaguena915favstar1000favsChiblackhawkgfw__Slimm957so_amusedSoWeirditsCool
    absolutemess______
  • jessyisswag
      Jessica @jessyisswag

    Just found out the hard way that men are neither impressed nor aroused by girls who can sing the whole theme to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    MrTallPaul1jewfacekillahirojesusJenny4ashleyJacobThomas31____savittjmichelleellevjenc7878
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    NoWii82Mr_Kapowskikelkillsdontcallme_thatkaty_baybaybyebyealibi______the__fellowmyaccentisweird
@jessyisswag

@jessyisswag

I have gambled away my right to choose my avatar. US http://favstar.fm/users/jessyisswag