Has Kanye West not heard the song "Gold Digger" by Kanye West?

Monopoly is replacing the iron with a cat, because you're way more likely to see a stray cat in Atlantic City than an ironed shirt.

I have been trying to explain mansplaining to the woman who coined the phrase for two hours.

Reservoir Dogs is almost an old enough cult film for Tarantino to steal from it for his next movie.

How did I become a vegetarian? A radioactive hippie bit me and my sense of taste became linked to my sense of moral superiority.

Should the Joe Paterno statue be brought to life with magic and then beaten and tortured?

Congrats to gay New Yorkers for finally being able to get married before God, just like atheists are allowed to do.

Does anybody know a good burrito post office haircut place? I have a lot to get done and not a lot of time.

"Let's use the fucking fish toilet we're surrounded by." - Me, if I were caught on that stupid shit cruise

Goin' commando today! (I just rescued Alyssa Milano from a guy in a gay 80's chain mail shirt)

"So, get this. The bad guy in The Matrix is Mr. Smith. Is that not a direct assault on Adam Smith and capitalism in general?" Rush Limbaugh

I got Google Glass! Why does everyone look like this now? pic.twitter.com/68slv4VSE3

Tired of atheists trying to take the Christ out of getting so drunk that you vomit into a sewer grate on New Year's Day.

Dumbest theory I have: Frank Reynolds is what became of Homer Simpson's brother Herb after Homer ruined him.

The fashion in both Williamsburg's gets closer every year.

"Are you tired? Because you've been marching for social justice in my head all day." #SuffragettePickupLines

So hungry for 11:23. I should've eaten an actual breakfast instead of slamming a Yoo Hoo and telling my cat he's handsome for 10 minutes.

Someone was caught trying to smuggle a phone to Charles Manson in prison. Once again, Manson's family plan is ruined.

Life is too short, stupid, pointless, and boring to have a negative attitude.

Stephen Hawking is boycotting an event in Israel due to their treatment of Palestinians. Also, they won't let him go anywhere on Saturdays.