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The charade's up, Obama. One of my Facebook friends discovered the truth about your birth certificate.
It's sad when you have to unfollow one of your favorite rappers, but I can't handle more than 30 Uncle Murda retweets a day.
Man. Spiders are dicks.
Four of my Facebook friends have birthdays today. I don't know any of them.
I wish the guys from Bowflex would stop filming me while I workout
I hope Tuesday's hater free
Education and a stable life keep cats away from drugs, not laws. Law is a fluid concept that's easily manipulated. Y'all agree?
If they want to make a truly great Bond movie they should just replace Daniel Craig with that guy from Burn Notice.
Everyone needs to stop getting married because it's really screwing with my ability to find drinking partners on the weekends.
One thing I miss about Jamaica is the quality of their newspapers. "Malcolm X's grandson dies in Mexico. Mexicans suspected to be culprits."
Today would be a really good day to come out of the closet. Then tomorrow you can be like, "You know dad, I really wasn't kidding."
I'd never want to encourage public moping, but I'll take an emo kid over a fake tough guy any day. Macho posturing is the worst kind.
I don't think I had a single King Cobra during Black History Month. I am a bad person.