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Beyonce & Jay-Z are expecting a baby. Man, that kid is gonna have everything! Except a last name. #FallonMono
Thank you, Steve Jobs, for all of the fun and amazing ways you made our lives better....Sent from my iPhone.
I don't care what your mama says... Christmastime is here!!
A judge just sentenced Lindsay Lohan to 30 days in jail. Or as Kim Kardashian put it, "30 days?? That's, like, four marriages!" #FallonMono
Bane and Batman settle their differences when they realize they both love One Direction. #fakedarkknightspoiler
A bakery is selling pretzels inspired by Tim Tebow. You can tell cuz if you eat one in New England, you end up choking. #FallonMono
Happy Twenty Dozen!!!
I promise to make One Direction go in two, possibly three, directions. #mycampaignpromise
Happy bday to Donald Trump, who was born 65 years ago today! It was sweet. Obama sent him a Hallmark card that said, “Prove it.” #FallonMono
Facebook has a new feature that lets friends know you're expecting a baby. Just another way to let people know you got poked. #FallonMono
Paul Ryan criticized Obama for not doing enough to create jobs. In response, Obama was like, “Uhh, didn’t you just get a job??” #fallonmono
Batman catches Alfred reading “50 Shades of Grey” alone in the Batcave. #fakedarkknightspoiler
A man lost his memory and used Facebook pictures to piece his life back together. Or as most people call that, “Sunday morning.” #FallonMono
33% of Americans have broken up w/ someone using Facebook. While 33% of Kardashian sisters have broken up w/ someone using TMZ. #FallonMono
The iPod turned 10 years old. Yeah, 10 years – which is also the length of time it takes to detangle your iPod headphones. #FallonMono
Kim Kardashian is having 2nd thoughts about her divorce. Even Brett Favre was like, “Make a decision and stick with it already!” #FallonMono
What a game between the Mavs and the Heat last night. I actually missed most of it – but then again, so did LeBron. #FallonMono
Last night, the Seahawks beat the Packers 14-12. I DVR'd the game and watched it later, just like the refs. #fallonmono
Chumbawamba announced that they are breaking up after 30 years. And one song. #FallonMono #TheyWillGetUpAgain