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No more tickles or I will kick your weenie! Said my youngest..
Best way to get kids to leave the amusement park is to take them 2 hrs before it closes.
Maybe its time weight watchers changes the Carrie fisher commercials, 20 lbs in 2 years not that great.
Having multiple personalities does not entitle you to drive in HOV lanes.
Does the song whistle mean what I think it does? Or do I just have a dirty mind?
Why is calling someone a douche bag so bad? Now calling someone a colostomy bag...that's derogatory
Todays quote “perfection paralysis"
69 followers...hmmm I know there is a good tweet in there somewhere
Had a good tweet, but was censored!!
Being a male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age, being a gentleman is a matter of choice!
Damn coffee machine, just made an iced coffee with hot water! #nescafe
Man those are a sexy pair of crocks.. Said nobody ever!
My youngest turned 6 this week, which means I have about 8 yrs before she starts dating! #FML
Even though it is PJ fun day at school, I still feel like a delinquent parent sending my girls to school in their sleepwear. #WT
Can wonderpets set off my house alarm?
Probably Not Like You and that's a good thing. I also make my own sandwiches..