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@jimray's (Jim Ray) most faved Tweets...
jimray
Today, my barber of three years parted my hair the other direction.

2010 is gonna be off the motherfucking HOOK is what I'm saying.
@jimray
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jimray
Well, it's almost quittin' time. Or, as they say up north, Palin o'clock.
@jimray
jimray
Self-styled patriots like Cheney miss the point when they (falsely) claim torture works. Slamming jetliners into skyscrapers also "works".
@jimray
jimray
Any word yet on whether the Reagan $50 bill will trickle down into two twenties and a ten in my wallet?
@jimray
jimray
Pat Robertson is proof that if God exists, he's largely disinterested in smiting the wicked
@jimray
jimray
@adamisacson Dude, leotard is not the preferred nomenclature. Lion-disabled, please.
@jimray in reply to adamisacson
jimray
Happy brthdy @SarahPalinUSA! I wuz goin to send u present, to hard, I quit, chek facebook, I wrote on ur hand I mean wall, LOL! Freedomerica
@jimray
jimray
The suit hanger makes sense in a world where men put their jacket on before their pants.
@jimray
jimray
Hey, @glennbeck, know who else tried to use the Olympics to further his narrow political ideology then got put in his place by a black guy?
@jimray
jimray
Sir, back away from the Spanx. That is not a gift you want to give.
@jimray
jimray
Karl Rove spent years protecting the sanctity of marriage from gay people so that he could one day put his own family through a divorce.
@jimray
jimray
Awkward: casually using 'google' as a verb in a meeting with the team that considers Google its biggest competition.
@jimray
jimray
I knew the white iPhone was a bad idea. What am I supposed to use after labor day?
@jimray
jimray
Cheney endorses gay marriage - good for him. If only he had a Muslim, environmentalist, human rights-supporting daughter, too.
@jimray
jimray
Somebody just asked "what the fuck flight is this" and I knew I was at the gate boarding for Philly.
@jimray
jimray
My parents' church needs a new sommelier. That communion wine was awful.
@jimray
jimray
IT TURNS OUT COLD BREWING COFFEE MAKES IT SUPER CONCENTRATED AND I DON'T EVEN DRINK COFFEE WHY IS EVERYTHING VIBRATING
@jimray
jimray
And I'll bet if you push the crosswalk button a seventh time, all traffic will halt and you'll be sheparded across by unicorns!
@jimray
jimray
Othello was good but they could've settled the whole thing in Act I with a beer summit.
@jimray
jimray
New rule: if my tax dollars are bailing you out, you don't get to charge me to use your ATM
@jimray
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