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  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in

    • 2,713
    • FAVS
    BolingerDylanaeshiropaquesnakeBowbrownscottytissue73LetdownLizzieItsDanSheehannotxzibit
    • 1,359
    • RETWEETS
    aeshirdanvvhiteLatherRinseRTBowbrownLetdownLizzieannkonstanPrinceDerkanilrod
    RowdySailboatlostinhallwaysBeeStaplerDrew4484nataliejmooney
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    the north korean national anthem is just the words "north korea" sung to the tune of "my sharona"

    • 2,161
    • FAVS
    LauraPowers13lambertweetsgood_pantsgeorgiacakeetaydaddy19yarnsweaterMarkyDobotasiaRNR
    • 1,561
    • RETWEETS
    MarkyDoboTOMjygjlkvmynameisdommwhiteboyparadoxLatherRinseRTjasonkobielusSJeggerwhatsheeeeesha
    deeeebagDanielRCarrilloSaxMouseRowdySailboatAceMakesWordsloveletterbombsvasedgodJevenSteakobsonelectrolemonEatingmealsothersomedrewtoothpaste
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are sweaty / he's sweating on his sweater already, he's really sweaty

    • 2,270
    • FAVS
    opaquesnakeglenna_optEmily_StikemanMokumFreeSpiritnotxzibitLeviRKlolmeghan_GnuPunG
    • 1,370
    • RETWEETS
    McJackiaeshiralecjoelelliottnotxzibitmmilkeyofficiallstings17emilymckitthipsterboner
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    sigur ros. sigur rachel. sigur chandler. sigur phoebe. sigur joey. sigur the other one

    • 1,748
    • FAVS
    abbydmeyersDrWroughtokayjuliajasmine_sadleragentkonybanksKameratArillcowlidocainefloraison_
    • 1,310
    • RETWEETS
    nickl30snickerszLovEmariellalynnjannalee88tiffany_hobbsMaggieMayCribbsTmasterREYshelohm
    very_tall_man
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    i got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons

    • 1,306
    • FAVS
    rjohnson291glenna_optSerpentineZEROIcancountto10AliciaJohnschrisfrancis27BackpackerBooieSte_uterpe
    • 1,748
    • RETWEETS
    ludditeandroidaeringuyJoeThillupEssieEmmeflysmicaptainstefanieKnittageArcticTashka
    AceMakesWordsQVT
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    why did they build a highway to the danger zone

    • 1,572
    • FAVS
    keltar93WhysSkeletorBufLatherRinseRTOwen_Doughertydiesel_dan_BolingerDylanjarededwards10ScottGerbal
    • 1,327
    • RETWEETS
    McJackiaeshirBrookeMulderMeowcAulay_JamesLeopoldLMHPhotogchelicerataAdamTheLobster
    dubstep4dadsBeeStaplercreepmansiondudehugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    coffee is weird. beanwater?? why did we even think to try beanwater

    • 1,062
    • FAVS
    skyeatsmattglenna_optnauticalnoodlegskala01BrookeMulderpowerfulshampooumlikewhatifyeahdefinitely
    • 760
    • RETWEETS
    sladjanaaaaaaaHalfBiWizardpowerfulshampoostevenmoon2HymTheGrimeGodlegendofeberleMLHS_MikeBritMeeow
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "I'm afraid you've got Tom Jones Disease" "oh no, doctor, is that rare?" "well, it's not unusual"

    • 1,033
    • FAVS
    brantboettgerKonradnyCornOnTheGoblinglenna_optdanjan13powerfulshampooBradleyDerScottGerbal
    • 725
    • RETWEETS
    jaredbrannonBunkBedWoodyBoobsberkeleyKampSinAdamTheLobsterJMHarencharhipsterbonerDrShenanigans
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    shut up about bacon. bacon is good but just shut up about it already please. it's just bacon. it's literally just bacon

    • 869
    • FAVS
    AdamTheLobsternotxzibitGeorginaB_25daemonic3morgvannyscumblyowenwright94sicilianjuly__
    • 769
    • RETWEETS
    notxzibitBoost_My_LifeMolly_RomeromanstealahPaulinaokayyMcSwtrvstabbietanguaygoblinpaladin
    RowdySailboatScreamboat__
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I wanna know what happened in all these haunted houses in mario games that there are like hundreds of ghosts there

    • 794
    • FAVS
    AlabamaArcherTiniestBananaBerry_mathewelle91danjan13chrisavilaDanSeifertjennanners
    • 574
    • RETWEETS
    ta5hmahalJoGarantKLobstarguacaflacatonybe787LMHPhotogtyler_sendenzachheltzel
    BeeStaplerMurderDeathHug
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Why do they always specify "real fruit" smoothies. Are there other kinds. Fake fruit smoothies. "This one has jorkberries"

    • 789
    • FAVS
    JoshMoBroCollinDaPoliceglenna_optBlindChowBarctwainBrookeMulderLauraSCortescatronjacob
    • 511
    • RETWEETS
    lermandudeaeshirpowerfulshampootrevor_barnardMNateShyamalanjamespiankaAdamTheLobsterhipsterboner
    RowdySailboathella_brad
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Subaru backwards is "U R a bus" and I resent that. Im not a bus

    • 764
    • FAVS
    nauticalnoodleglenna_optassclitdavidlorton10yeahdefinitelyBolingerDylanAbbottMadi22ScottGerbal
    • 501
    • RETWEETS
    ntlrdchrisigotbachabir_azeemjarodgunning1chief_bearpawNerfDildoAdamTheLobsterOUTSTVGRVM
    FONTIAGO
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    All literature to be referred to as "pre-apocalyptic" from now on

    • 628
    • FAVS
    jonnyhalllDanMcFlanumlikewhatifBolingerDylancouchdwellerennuizleScottGerbalchief_bearpaw
    • 430
    • RETWEETS
    TheBehrgelizaeffectjaredbrannonLLottTennuizlechief_bearpawrobertjbennettTheRavingReborn
    trash_sleeperjolly_getterrare_basement
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "Slim Jim" is short for "Slames James"

    • 677
    • FAVS
    Salax_danchovyserotonin_haverashamm2itsok2bdumbntwrHavocMantisDearAsiaSKamysz
    • 336
    • RETWEETS
    junkyard_jakegrifttbryismsPortableradi0gemini6icefriendliestbeecouchdwellerAhabsGhost
    MistahBen
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    who ARE the mythbusters? *montage of like ten pianos exploding* adam savage *piano explodes* jamie hyneman *piano explodes* *piano explodes*

    • 602
    • FAVS
    KrLillenesskyeatsmattopaquesnakefamoushorseglenna_optcouchdwellerScottGerbalchief_bearpaw
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    opaquesnakechief_bearpawHymTheGrimeGodGrokamoleShhelbbyAdamTheLobstervoxelcomposerCrashRowdy
    BryukF____________koala_hugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    great tweets, everybody. keep it up

    • 611
    • FAVS
    glenna_opt_SnowPrincess__f0resteyeshipsterbonermikaklaleahcoleman2UnicornInHell69ML_Sarabia
    • 132
    • RETWEETS
    datamushvic_fuensexpiamary14MelissaRayeeimsassydivaVioletCentaurInsideOneMindboringwhitelady
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    an orb floats into a bar. the bartender asks "why the perfectly spherical glowing blue body?" the orb hums and crackles

    • 469
    • FAVS
    necrologiesantibirdfactsphranqueighnotbenbarberAdamWtrfldjaboquiematt_thedchipsandcreams
    • 257
    • RETWEETS
    antibirdfactscasephnovamattwithanhliquebotmkuhmannsseapvnkdouglasbenpaulbecausehuman
    loveletterbombs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I can't believe nobody thought of sandwiches until like the 1700s. The past was stupid

    • 437
    • FAVS
    veroniraptorover_as_hellfemmilieshedyrskinjasmine_sadleragentkonybanksDirtyHaltBackToTheBeat_
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    femmiliebecksorwhateveragentkonybankspowerfulshampooglazed_hamemilyisdumbitsBOBBIHjnavarr
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    did scaramouche ever end up doing the fandango or did that ever get resolved or what

    • 318
    • FAVS
    itsAllYumzurilian4_Gondordanamayer94tinyhumActualDoctorBeiberFan99anagramps
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    benthalpydanamayer94BeiberFan99veroniraptorKarinaFromFieldPadrinoTragicoM_Dawg83MattCox
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    please envision Jeff Goldblum as Iron Man. please do this for me

    • 450
    • FAVS
    glenna_opthipsterbonerLuciusFurySwell_BroYelixMeganKT04lily_MCRmymorgvanny
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    alexwhoisnicemorgvannyDrew4484RykerRiottrendinalios666Bad_Wolf777Katieingham4isatameirao
@jitka

@jitka

oh my glob