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  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in

    • 3,203
    • FAVS
    MaxOBrenbestnapperaliveboogieceejoynerQobrienvincentsneatJuane_Cartiergrayistheworld
    • 1,550
    • RETWEETS
    NG5_LovesMeAKHutTeh_Areedultimatesteveradcouchbread_thingbonerman_incArbiterofMeh
    RowdySailboatlostinhallwaysBeeStaplerDrew4484nataliejmooney
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    the north korean national anthem is just the words "north korea" sung to the tune of "my sharona"

    • 2,435
    • FAVS
    OnlyMartinLewisfontfightershakes31471Shoutin_BibblesamooooliacoolbiRdpicsbkmhSpruchy
    • 1,670
    • RETWEETS
    shakes31471Shoutin_BibblestrashpunditRadioAirliftalexcaddycadmanGunterHatesSpruchykevinjcall
    deeeebagDanielRCarrilloSaxMouseRowdySailboatAceMakesWordsloveletterbombsvasedgodJevenSteakobsonelectrolemon__Eatingmealsothersomedrewtoothpaste
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are sweaty / he's sweating on his sweater already, he's really sweaty

    • 2,274
    • FAVS
    MaxOBrenMaxLightsstoothlesslukekorzemiackaMeat_spoondickdickgooseTinkachu_jpaulmassengale
    • 1,372
    • RETWEETS
    Jelly4056DaChowdatoothlesslukehalvfabrikatlidandetsrikejacobTisRadDJ_GlovehandMcJacki
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    sigur ros. sigur rachel. sigur chandler. sigur phoebe. sigur joey. sigur the other one

    • 1,758
    • FAVS
    valaurmorghulisatanenhausHXXIVpeegritsohmadelineeegrayistheworldkatfoodbreathdaddest_jeans
    • 1,313
    • RETWEETS
    HegelsBagelsdaddest_jeansreliablespiceJakeFooseHXXIVmoltmanultimatestevebread_thing
    very_tall_man
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    i got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons

    • 1,313
    • FAVS
    CalicovilleMaxLightssMeat_spoonjsaffle1ethannubleslicedfruitmikewaldron115rjohnson291
    • 1,748
    • RETWEETS
    TheGirlHasMoxiemikewaldron115ludditeandroidaeringuyJoeThillupEssieEmmeflysmicaptainstefanie
    AceMakesWordsQVT
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    why did they build a highway to the danger zone

    • 1,584
    • FAVS
    MaxOBrenpunjabribenbraddocksCordillydallyMeat_spoonphilboxallsmoopedSergeantSchultz
    • 1,328
    • RETWEETS
    catagranicsmoopedhighclassdogcatonechunkymamajsaffle1McJackiaeshirBrookeMulder
    dubstep4dadsBeeStaplercreepmansiondudehugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    coffee is weird. beanwater?? why did we even think to try beanwater

    • 1,067
    • FAVS
    MaxOBrenradtoriaMikeysTutuMeat_spoonjsaffle1iBuiltTheSkyglenna_optLastMermaid
    • 764
    • RETWEETS
    legantrahdarla_michelleMikeysTutujacobTisRadfavstar_historysladjanaaaaaaaHalfBiWizardpowerfulshampoo
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "I'm afraid you've got Tom Jones Disease" "oh no, doctor, is that rare?" "well, it's not unusual"

    • 1,070
    • FAVS
    ChiefRishKeefschmittztesttheworldShellocityinfiniteandsmalbenpopThirstyRandoFeelNutts
    • 733
    • RETWEETS
    krgasperShellocitybenpophiggs_bosomsporknporkTheMentalLizarduhhhhhhhhhwhatlegantrah
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    shut up about bacon. bacon is good but just shut up about it already please. it's just bacon. it's literally just bacon

    • 885
    • FAVS
    alyssacp94mikemanciniturkeybluntOzarkSkiingshell_bee_leggsk_soultrainthirstfavpursuechase
    • 777
    • RETWEETS
    brittommyLeslieH_74TuckKarnesfrida_kashflowoxnuxoTimccv164prodigislegantrah
    RowdySailboatScreamboat__
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I wanna know what happened in all these haunted houses in mario games that there are like hundreds of ghosts there

    • 799
    • FAVS
    prodigisMikeysTutuMeat_spooniGreenMonkjsaffle1AlabamaArcherTiniestBananaBerry_mathew
    • 575
    • RETWEETS
    legantrahta5hmahalJoGarantKLobstarguacaflacatonybe787LMHPhotogtyler_senden
    BeeStaplerMurderDeathHug
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Subaru backwards is "U R a bus" and I resent that. Im not a bus

    • 798
    • FAVS
    Australianimalmikemancini_Coral95maebemarblesHFMRideKaiCrannellreTICKulousb_valk22
    • 516
    • RETWEETS
    rachelllbrownnnb_valk22Jacob4evaYoungthirstfavMattHaronianoxnuxoAnnaClaireAtkblood_orphan
    fontiago
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Why do they always specify "real fruit" smoothies. Are there other kinds. Fake fruit smoothies. "This one has jorkberries"

    • 794
    • FAVS
    prodigisSneezeSyruptorneyatclawMikeysTutuMeat_spoonJoshMoBroCollinDaPoliceglenna_opt
    • 513
    • RETWEETS
    legantrahwentzettelermandudeaeshirpowerfulshampootrevor_barnardMNateShyamalanjamespianka
    RowdySailboathella_brad
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "Slim Jim" is short for "Slames James"

    • 750
    • FAVS
    prodigiswobsomegamethshanshan603acidjazzrefluxteensithSneakernetsradtoriaMaxLightss
    • 377
    • RETWEETS
    zanmadyneraistlin_teensithSneakernetsnotrevenantJesWhitakerkaleystwatterquentinturntino
    MistahBen
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    All literature to be referred to as "pre-apocalyptic" from now on

    • 631
    • FAVS
    prodigisnafrashMeat_spoonjonnyhalllDanMcFlanumlikewhatifBolingerDylancouchdweller
    • 431
    • RETWEETS
    Meat_spoonTheBehrgelizaeffectjaredbrannonlogalotennuizlechief_bearpawrobertjbennett
    trash_sleeperjolly_getterrare_basement
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    who ARE the mythbusters? *montage of like ten pianos exploding* adam savage *piano explodes* jamie hyneman *piano explodes* *piano explodes*

    • 664
    • FAVS
    prodigisIan_E_DownesNickMorandicjburwellcjmemaysanjanglesbeef_patrolmixmastaflibble
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    Ian_E_DownesthebigG_69xxbakacoconutxxandygatorrBloatedCarcassShellocitydad_as_heckaudreyuuu
    BryukF____________koala_hugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    great tweets, everybody. keep it up

    • 612
    • FAVS
    JakeHowell9Sam_aholictoafBromanConsulconstantlyjoshjsaffle1glenna_opt_SnowPrincess__
    • 132
    • RETWEETS
    CartoonRowdyderridaliciousRowdySailboatTRASHlNESS__vic_fuensexpiamary14MelissaRayeeimsassydiva
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I can't believe nobody thought of sandwiches until like the 1700s. The past was stupid

    • 442
    • FAVS
    Allie874HagglerspoppaGoodOpinionManMikeysTutuMeat_spoonveroniraptorover_as_hellfemmilie
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyGoodOpinionManfemmiliebecksorwhateveragentkonybankspowerfulshampooglazed_hamemilyisdumb
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    an orb floats into a bar. the bartender asks "why the perfectly spherical glowing blue body?" the orb hums and crackles

    • 469
    • FAVS
    srslyyyyyyyyyyytinyelflingantibirdfactsphranqueighnotbenbarberAdamWtrfldjaboquiematt_thed
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyantibirdfactscasephnovamattwithanhliquebotmkuhmannsseapvnkdouglasbenpaul
    loveletterbombs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    did scaramouche ever end up doing the fandango or did that ever get resolved or what

    • 320
    • FAVS
    Meat_spoonjsaffle122centurybluesitsAllYumzurilian4_Gondordanamayer94tinyhum
    • 320
    • RETWEETS
    cybermangobradcesanekbenthalpydanamayer94sausagemcgriddlveroniraptorKarinaFromFieldPadrinoTragico
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    please envision Jeff Goldblum as Iron Man. please do this for me

    • 452
    • FAVS
    saterboiHyperrorNRaveseMeat_spoonglenna_opthipsterbonerLuciusFurySwell_Bro
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    alexsleepwalksmorgvannyDrew4484Nystericstrendinalios666Bad_Wolf777Katieingham4isatameirao
@jitka

@jitka

a smooth, fist-sized river rock. tweets are from me not from my job. FOT

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