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My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in
the north korean national anthem is just the words "north korea" sung to the tune of "my sharona"
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are sweaty / he's sweating on his sweater already, he's really sweaty
sigur ros. sigur rachel. sigur chandler. sigur phoebe. sigur joey. sigur the other one
i got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons
why did they build a highway to the danger zone
coffee is weird. beanwater?? why did we even think to try beanwater
"I'm afraid you've got Tom Jones Disease" "oh no, doctor, is that rare?" "well, it's not unusual"
shut up about bacon. bacon is good but just shut up about it already please. it's just bacon. it's literally just bacon
I wanna know what happened in all these haunted houses in mario games that there are like hundreds of ghosts there
Why do they always specify "real fruit" smoothies. Are there other kinds. Fake fruit smoothies. "This one has jorkberries"
Subaru backwards is "U R a bus" and I resent that. Im not a bus
"Slim Jim" is short for "Slames James"
All literature to be referred to as "pre-apocalyptic" from now on
who ARE the mythbusters? *montage of like ten pianos exploding* adam savage *piano explodes* jamie hyneman *piano explodes* *piano explodes*
great tweets, everybody. keep it up
I can't believe nobody thought of sandwiches until like the 1700s. The past was stupid
an orb floats into a bar. the bartender asks "why the perfectly spherical glowing blue body?" the orb hums and crackles
did scaramouche ever end up doing the fandango or did that ever get resolved or what
please envision Jeff Goldblum as Iron Man. please do this for me
a smooth, fist-sized river rock. tweets are for me not for my job
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