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  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in

    • 2,706
    • FAVS
    Bowbrownscottytissue73LetdownLizzieItsDanSheehannotxzibitjaimpewannkonstanDVanTongeren
    • 1,358
    • RETWEETS
    BowbrownLetdownLizzieannkonstanPrinceDerkanilrodtabletcorrycatnapnatalieamorygatsby
    RowdySailboatlostinhallwaysBeeStaplerDrew4484nataliejmooney
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are sweaty / he's sweating on his sweater already, he's really sweaty

    • 2,268
    • FAVS
    Emily_StikemanMokumFreeSpiritnotxzibitLeviRKlolmeghan_GnuPunGCornOnTheGoblinm7mdosama313
    • 1,370
    • RETWEETS
    alecjoelelliottnotxzibitmmilkeyofficiallstings17emilymckitthipsterboneravecrainemsdocheff
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    the north korean national anthem is just the words "north korea" sung to the tune of "my sharona"

    • 2,099
    • FAVS
    notxzibitarcuateandrew_pomeroytlrosenblumkeiichifacecharizardbrahColonelPuppygitfromroundme
    • 1,531
    • RETWEETS
    ZeppoWilburyAReynolds_4352daisyapizzameFerrous_Buellergunstargreen83DavidMDavidladambell
    deeeebagDanielRCarrilloSaxMouseRowdySailboatAceMakesWordsloveletterbombsvasedgodJevenSteakobsonelectrolemonEatingmealsothersomedrewtoothpaste
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    i got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons

    • 1,304
    • FAVS
    SerpentineZEROIcancountto10AliciaJohnschrisfrancis27BackpackerBooieSte_uterpeLaurenclaireeeBorisAtamanenko
    • 1,748
    • RETWEETS
    ludditeandroidaeringuyJoeThillupEssieEmmeflysmicaptainstefanieKnittageArcticTashka
    AceMakesWordsQVT
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    sigur ros. sigur rachel. sigur chandler. sigur phoebe. sigur joey. sigur the other one

    • 1,720
    • FAVS
    notxzibitTy_JohnsonCoolCamel69jovanna_123BennatwaTheSoftestBull__liwanagNotChrisWhited
    • 1,305
    • RETWEETS
    BennatwaBriiiieuc_LoungeLizardlouieabelleraValentineLoricsdussautKickingbird_iSoliai
    very_tall_man
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    why did they build a highway to the danger zone

    • 1,549
    • FAVS
    bridiazyoga_tankRiaBarrenecheatheSiggyBseat10kjestcoastannacwhiteheadISOremarkable
    • 1,326
    • RETWEETS
    yoga_tankJosephOlangBryainiacMSWard52stephlevacRasbanda_Manolochangc375alexdhenley
    dubstep4dadsBeeStaplercreepmansiondudehugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    coffee is weird. beanwater?? why did we even think to try beanwater

    • 1,048
    • FAVS
    notxzibit_cccreepUncleSAmericadinogorejcapatersonjaxlrosealisonayubihug__thief__
    • 748
    • RETWEETS
    McJackijaxlroseBoost_My_LifetimbadtweetslllvvvzzzVenusRockHobbitnebulamaRcraiovean
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "I'm afraid you've got Tom Jones Disease" "oh no, doctor, is that rare?" "well, it's not unusual"

    • 1,013
    • FAVS
    SerpentineZEROSarah__Ohhteedwhereceaseextremeprismaveryclevermorgvannydanamayer94
    • 724
    • RETWEETS
    JMHarencharhipsterbonerDrShenanigansduckishddbrackettextremeprismvvindwakerThirstyRando
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    shut up about bacon. bacon is good but just shut up about it already please. it's just bacon. it's literally just bacon

    • 868
    • FAVS
    notxzibitGeorginaB_25daemonic3morgvannyscumblyowenwright94sicilianjuly__unbub_
    • 769
    • RETWEETS
    notxzibitBoost_My_LifeMolly_RomeromanstealahPaulinaokayyMcSwtrvstabbietanguaygoblinpaladin
    RowdySailboatScreamboat__
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I wanna know what happened in all these haunted houses in mario games that there are like hundreds of ghosts there

    • 760
    • FAVS
    Ben_EtcHallowedCrownotxzibitjaxlrosetheumbertoISOremarkableBangMyBongoVILLHAVER
    • 567
    • RETWEETS
    HallowedCrowtheumbertotigerlily083BangMyBongoVILLHAVERdaemonic3BriannaMPorterTotesMisty
    BeeStaplerMurderDeathHug
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Why do they always specify "real fruit" smoothies. Are there other kinds. Fake fruit smoothies. "This one has jorkberries"

    • 756
    • FAVS
    notxzibitdaemonic3smellodieehansx_flailthroughsqueernautcanoroussmaxcham420
    • 504
    • RETWEETS
    hipsterbonerEsoterriaEllenRagequeernautmaxcham420AlecButModarnanalyticeyeDrewLog
    RowdySailboathella_brad
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Subaru backwards is "U R a bus" and I resent that. Im not a bus

    • 744
    • FAVS
    notxzibitvictorecabarrenensamblegeekhug__thief__messmec2424TotesMistyRebelBiascolincanread
    • 494
    • RETWEETS
    OUTSTVGRVMnotxzibitvictorecabarrenradpizzamanclairemperaltamorganhoquistseanypattypowerfulshampoo
    fontiago
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    All literature to be referred to as "pre-apocalyptic" from now on

    • 605
    • FAVS
    kgrettehug__thief__morgvannyHyoscinedanamayer94hereceaseActualDoctorBeiberFan99
    • 428
    • RETWEETS
    hipsterbonerjsteinbrechBeiberFan99samuelbadamsColeGirlOne7high7tea7McSwtrvstPreestess
    trash_sleeperjolly_getterrare_basement
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "Slim Jim" is short for "Slames James"

    • 676
    • FAVS
    danchovyserotonin_haverashamm2itsok2bdumbntwrHavocMantisDearAsiaSKamyszokkicker
    • 336
    • RETWEETS
    junkyard_jakegrifttbryismsPortableradi0gemini6icefriendliestbeecouchdwellerAhabsGhost
    MistahBen
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    who ARE the mythbusters? *montage of like ten pianos exploding* adam savage *piano explodes* jamie hyneman *piano explodes* *piano explodes*

    • 586
    • FAVS
    simmysamsozzlevoxelcomposersevendeadlywinshug__thief__alexwhoisniceBad_doerSwell_Bromorgvanny
    • 297
    • RETWEETS
    voxelcomposerCrashRowdyBoost_My_LifeBad_doercoolhands_lukefavstar_historydylanmheJMHarenchar
    BryukF____________koala_hugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    great tweets, everybody. keep it up

    • 610
    • FAVS
    _SnowPrincess__f0resteyeshipsterbonermikaklaleahcoleman2UnicornInHell69ML_SarabiaEliseSeddonMCR
    • 132
    • RETWEETS
    datamushvic_fuensexpiamary14MelissaRayeeimsassydivaVioletCentaurInsideOneMindboringwhitelady
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I can't believe nobody thought of sandwiches until like the 1700s. The past was stupid

    • 405
    • FAVS
    hug__thief__yungtessslimtrimseanSwell_Brodanamayer94agorcowboyActualDoctorBeiberFan99
    • 274
    • RETWEETS
    hipsterbonerBoost_My_LifeslimtrimseanBeiberFan99_jimlearyjerkitcityntipotnude_dad
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    did scaramouche ever end up doing the fandango or did that ever get resolved or what

    • 318
    • FAVS
    itsAllYumzurilian4_Gondordanamayer94tinyhumActualDoctorBeiberFan99anagramps
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    benthalpydanamayer94BeiberFan99veroniraptorKarinaFromFieldPadrinoTragicoM_Dawg83MattCox
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    an orb floats into a bar. the bartender asks "why the perfectly spherical glowing blue body?" the orb hums and crackles

    • 368
    • FAVS
    chuchugoogooapopagasmthis_plantmorgvannycoolhands_luketinyhumaStyrofoamCupActualDoctor
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    this_plantmorgvannycoolhands_lukelolitimealecrobbinsBrianACaronIllVeskwurtzz
    loveletterbombs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    please envision Jeff Goldblum as Iron Man. please do this for me

    • 449
    • FAVS
    hipsterbonerLuciusFurySwell_BroYelixMeganKT04lily_MCRmymorgvannyruzzlet
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    morgvannyDrew4484RykerRiottrendinalios666Bad_Wolf777Katieingham4isatameiraoEliRobots
@jitka

@jitka

oh my glob