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  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in

    • 2,604
    • FAVS
    Despicable_MUHpinupteacher_donniedontjonny_hughes56GeoffBrakinnotaloginjungveggiesjrichiev2
    • 1,315
    • RETWEETS
    LeavittKatAnimalKrakenGeoffBrakinCoolCamel69Boost_My_LifeTylerHirsch23lllvvvzzzVenusRockHobbit
    RowdySailboatlostinhallwaysBeeStaplerDrew4484nataliejmooney
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are sweaty / he's sweating on his sweater already, he's really sweaty

    • 2,257
    • FAVS
    LilFishy15tierney617EliseSeddonMCRlove_gene1geesworkivebrendonwithuOli39128690LillyVengeance1
    • 1,362
    • RETWEETS
    AmandaAbdelazizrocktheworldMCRmonichodebrbmcrying_m_attyboyjessploofKara_GlavinWriterShinBlock
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    the north korean national anthem is just the words "north korea" sung to the tune of "my sharona"

    • 2,054
    • FAVS
    duggymugNondescriptManccbeaujohnopnssncismedmccarthy7definemine_thomasnilsen
    • 1,513
    • RETWEETS
    meganwalters191CMoar93willshugetwitsAHall88MHOpptimusPrimepanfriedsquidboringprincessyung_internet
    deeeebagDanielRCarrilloSaxMouseRowdySailboatAceMakesWordsloveletterbombsvasedgodJevenSteakobsonelectrolemonEatingmealsothersomedrewtoothpaste
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    sigur ros. sigur rachel. sigur chandler. sigur phoebe. sigur joey. sigur the other one

    • 1,719
    • FAVS
    CoolCamel69jovanna_123BennatwaTheSoftestBull__liwanagNotChrisWhitednoelisoa__BeeVeeTee
    • 1,305
    • RETWEETS
    BennatwaBriiiieuc_LoungeLizardlouieabelleraValentineLoricsdussautKickingbird_iSoliai
    very_tall_man
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    i got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons

    • 1,197
    • FAVS
    ayarunasallysonkanejestcoastISOremarkableFayeMc30nightshadesirisadamjrcorbettscottmcampbell
    • 1,698
    • RETWEETS
    nitashasekandannacwhiteheadUncaJeffyamylikesbacondaemonic3AceGracioustaterbug_gundyruok4a69
    AceMakesWordsQVT
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    why did they build a highway to the danger zone

    • 1,549
    • FAVS
    RiaBarrenecheatheSiggyBseat10kjestcoastannacwhiteheadISOremarkableFayeMc30Whitley1969
    • 1,326
    • RETWEETS
    JosephOlangBryainiacMSWard52stephlevacRasbanda_Manolochangc375alexdhenleyVILLHAVER
    dubstep4dadsBeeStaplercreepmansiondudehugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    coffee is weird. beanwater?? why did we even think to try beanwater

    • 1,046
    • FAVS
    alisonayubihug__thieflllvvvzzzVenusRockHobbittoothlesslukeironmxndaemonic3champioz
    • 747
    • RETWEETS
    Boost_My_LifetimbadtweetslllvvvzzzVenusRockHobbitnebulamaRcraioveanGamersRespawnJessieMacVicar
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "I'm afraid you've got Tom Jones Disease" "oh no, doctor, is that rare?" "well, it's not unusual"

    • 1,012
    • FAVS
    Sarah__Ohhteedwhereceaseextremeprismaveryclevermorgvannydanamayer94logsplit818
    • 722
    • RETWEETS
    DrShenanigansduckishddbrackettextremeprismtechnof0xThirstyRandodoctor_asstaterbug_gundy
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    shut up about bacon. bacon is good but just shut up about it already please. it's just bacon. it's literally just bacon

    • 866
    • FAVS
    daemonic3morgvannyscumblyowenwright94sicilianjulyunbub_Stupokalypsenauticalnoodle
    • 768
    • RETWEETS
    Boost_My_LifeMolly_RomeromanstealahPaulinaokayyMcSwtrvstabbietanguaygoblinpaladinSomeStingray
    RowdySailboatScreamboat
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I wanna know what happened in all these haunted houses in mario games that there are like hundreds of ghosts there

    • 756
    • FAVS
    theumbertoISOremarkableBangMyBongoVILLHAVERdaemonic3hug__thiefgrantyOpiercemorganCNN
    • 567
    • RETWEETS
    theumbertotigerlily083BangMyBongoVILLHAVERdaemonic3BriannaMPorterTotesMistylavasullenvic
    BeeStaplerMurderDeathHug
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Why do they always specify "real fruit" smoothies. Are there other kinds. Fake fruit smoothies. "This one has jorkberries"

    • 755
    • FAVS
    daemonic3smellodieeHansSkogvoldflailthroughsqueernautcanoroussmaxcham420Rymdemannen
    • 503
    • RETWEETS
    EsoterriaEllenRagequeernautmaxcham420AlecButModarn__analyticeyeDrewLognewageamazon
    RowdySailboathella_brad
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Subaru backwards is "U R a bus" and I resent that. Im not a bus

    • 742
    • FAVS
    ensamblegeekhug__thiefmessmec2424TotesMistyRebelBiascolincanreadImAHumanNotACatpowerfulshampoo
    • 491
    • RETWEETS
    radpizzamanclairemperaltamorganhoquistseanypattypowerfulshampooDrLickensteinDrew4484wutangdad
    spookyquinoa
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    All literature to be referred to as "pre-apocalyptic" from now on

    • 605
    • FAVS
    kgrettehug__thiefmorgvannyHyoscinedanamayer94hereceaseActualDoctorBeiberGirl03
    • 427
    • RETWEETS
    jsteinbrechBeiberGirl03samuelbadamsColeGirlOne7high7tea7McSwtrvstPreestessAlice_arc
    trash_sleeperjolly_getterrare_basement
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "Slim Jim" is short for "Slames James"

    • 621
    • FAVS
    hug__thiefjoshykins89Handsprings1UnderKohntrolBrianaSeversonimaginarybloodddbrackettSwell_Bro
    • 310
    • RETWEETS
    Boost_My_Lifen1ckfgmiss_maddiemactriftenCKimLoughranEriyuSnowHRHoundleahloxy
    MistahBen
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    who ARE the mythbusters? *montage of like ten pianos exploding* adam savage *piano explodes* jamie hyneman *piano explodes* *piano explodes*

    • 583
    • FAVS
    hug__thiefalexwhoisniceBad_doerSwell_Bromorgvannycoolhands_luketinyhumChrisThayerSays
    • 295
    • RETWEETS
    Boost_My_LifeBad_doercoolhands_lukefavstar_historyMnWzrdJMHarencharsajenningsconky
    BryukF____________koala_hugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    great tweets, everybody. keep it up

    • 605
    • FAVS
    EliseSeddonMCRValeriaMoliinaierosaurbipolarvampireLillyVengeance1Kanaboshiwayband_lover01MarniChaplin
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    vic_fuensexpiamary14MelissaRayeeimsassydivaVioletCentaurInsideOneMindboringwhitelady_bangarangan_
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I can't believe nobody thought of sandwiches until like the 1700s. The past was stupid

    • 405
    • FAVS
    hug__thiefyungtessslimtrimseanSwell_Brodanamayer94agorcowboyActualDoctorBeiberGirl03
    • 273
    • RETWEETS
    Boost_My_LifeslimtrimseanBeiberGirl03_jimlearyjerkitcityMarsRover419____nude_dadrenkouharemade
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    did scaramouche ever end up doing the fandango or did that ever get resolved or what

    • 318
    • FAVS
    itsAllYumzurilian4_Gondordanamayer94tinyhumActualDoctorBeiberGirl03anagramps
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    benthalpydanamayer94BeiberGirl03veroniraptorKarinaFromFieldPadrinoTragicoM_Dawg83MattCox
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    an orb floats into a bar. the bartender asks "why the perfectly spherical glowing blue body?" the orb hums and crackles

    • 367
    • FAVS
    apopagasmkpblissettmorgvannycoolhands_luketinyhumaStyrofoamCupActualDoctorKimJongSean
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    kpblissettmorgvannycoolhands_lukelolitimealecrobbinsBrianACaronIllVeskwurtzz
    loveletterbombs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    please envision Jeff Goldblum as Iron Man. please do this for me

    • 448
    • FAVS
    LuciusFurySwell_BroYelixMeganKT04lily_MCRmymorgvannyruzzletKilljoyJosie
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    morgvannyDrew4484RykerRiottrendinalios666Bad_Wolf777Katieingham4isatameiraoEliRobots
@jitka

@jitka

oh my glob