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  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in

    • 3,188
    • FAVS
    John24231tssarrRopusaruKrogstieFrigolitBaldrickSanMichael_Fonduetherealnotmin
    • 1,550
    • RETWEETS
    ArbiterofMehSlavojPeezeknobuyukinyuuyessequiturdeertunesNoMilkCerealLaPorte_DanielBeamishBoi
    RowdySailboatlostinhallwaysBeeStaplerDrew4484nataliejmooney
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    the north korean national anthem is just the words "north korea" sung to the tune of "my sharona"

    • 2,413
    • FAVS
    Chraspyelegant_saladTPHDSam__WilliamsnarcoticwhalehylylgmnshysoftbabybearSeanBozlik
    • 1,666
    • RETWEETS
    _LaaurennnnChraspyaftermiidnightgrizzlybearclublauracarlson23missjossiFloresIsabella7Cristina_Folsom
    deeeebagDanielRCarrilloSaxMouseRowdySailboatAceMakesWordsloveletterbombsvasedgodJevenSteakobsonelectrolemonEatingmealsothersomedrewtoothpaste
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are sweaty / he's sweating on his sweater already, he's really sweaty

    • 2,273
    • FAVS
    MaxLightsstoothlesslukekorzemiackaMeat_spoondickdickgooseTinkachu_jpaulmassengaleopaquesnake
    • 1,372
    • RETWEETS
    Jelly4056DaChowdatoothlesslukehalvfabrikatlidandetsrikejacobTisRadDJ_GlovehandMcJacki
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    sigur ros. sigur rachel. sigur chandler. sigur phoebe. sigur joey. sigur the other one

    • 1,749
    • FAVS
    cheyenne_beldenjust_ruble_itpizza_as_hellyrubmEarbaSlouisboysscarschwartzandialpsMondayStory
    • 1,313
    • RETWEETS
    tophersneadshorts_as_heckSamuelCooneychrisomervillemchlhnnytheRyanSimCoffinsyrup69Cordillydally
    very_tall_man
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    i got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons

    • 1,312
    • FAVS
    MaxLightssMeat_spoonjsaffle1ethannubleslicedfruitmikewaldron115rjohnson291glenna_opt
    • 1,748
    • RETWEETS
    TheGirlHasMoxiemikewaldron115ludditeandroidaeringuyJoeThillupEssieEmmeflysmicaptainstefanie
    AceMakesWordsQVT
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    why did they build a highway to the danger zone

    • 1,581
    • FAVS
    CordillydallyMeat_spoonphilboxallsmoopedSergeantSchultzcalebsi10sheetcakequeenonechunkymama
    • 1,328
    • RETWEETS
    smoopedhighclassdogcatonechunkymamajsaffle1McJackiaeshirBrookeMulderMeowcAulay
    dubstep4dadsBeeStaplercreepmansiondudehugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    coffee is weird. beanwater?? why did we even think to try beanwater

    • 1,066
    • FAVS
    radtoriaMikeysTutuMeat_spoonjsaffle1iBuiltTheSkyglenna_optLastMermaidgskala01
    • 762
    • RETWEETS
    MikeysTutujacobTisRadfavstar_historysladjanaaaaaaaHalfBiWizardpowerfulshampoostevenmoon2HymTheGrimeGod
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "I'm afraid you've got Tom Jones Disease" "oh no, doctor, is that rare?" "well, it's not unusual"

    • 1,039
    • FAVS
    JamesSantelliGoodOpinionMansergibroguattoothlesslukeMeat_spoonjsaffle1brzntKonradny
    • 728
    • RETWEETS
    ParableofSowerPennSt8GalDetroit_DongsBagleyKLADGreenEyedLiloGoodOpinionManitsjehhhtoothlessluke
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    shut up about bacon. bacon is good but just shut up about it already please. it's just bacon. it's literally just bacon

    • 871
    • FAVS
    jsaffle1SolitaryTweeterdaadvaimsxzibatGeorginaB_25daemonic3morgvannyscumbly
    • 769
    • RETWEETS
    xzibatBoost_My_LifeMolly_RomeromanstealahPaulinaokayyMcSwtrvstabbietanguaygoblinpaladin
    RowdySailboatScreamboat__
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I wanna know what happened in all these haunted houses in mario games that there are like hundreds of ghosts there

    • 798
    • FAVS
    MikeysTutuMeat_spooniGreenMonkjsaffle1AlabamaArcherTiniestBananaBerry_mathewelle91
    • 574
    • RETWEETS
    ta5hmahalJoGarantKLobstarguacaflacatonybe787LMHPhotogtyler_sendenzachheltzel
    BeeStaplerMurderDeathHug
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Why do they always specify "real fruit" smoothies. Are there other kinds. Fake fruit smoothies. "This one has jorkberries"

    • 792
    • FAVS
    HavocMantisMikeysTutuMeat_spoonJoshMoBroCollinDaPoliceglenna_optBlindChowBarctwain
    • 512
    • RETWEETS
    wentzettelermandudeaeshirpowerfulshampootrevor_barnardMNateShyamalanjamespiankadaadvaims
    RowdySailboathella_brad
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    Subaru backwards is "U R a bus" and I resent that. Im not a bus

    • 773
    • FAVS
    SamfennfennUniqueDude2HavocMantisMeat_spoonSkankOfTheSeaKorvBubblaDrakspermatozodagenjagficknog
    • 505
    • RETWEETS
    SamfennfennHavocMantistildawhosonniclasjonassonntlrdchrisigotbachabir_azeemjarodgunning1
    fontiago
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    "Slim Jim" is short for "Slames James"

    • 748
    • FAVS
    radtoriaMaxLightsstoothlesslukeMeat_spoonkatieliebldrcyblackAndiePuppygeorgough
    • 377
    • RETWEETS
    JesWhitakerkaleystwatterquentinturntinoRuPancakeswimothyjosephJay1972JayrachellephantGnittWitt
    MistahBen
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    All literature to be referred to as "pre-apocalyptic" from now on

    • 630
    • FAVS
    nafrashMeat_spoonjonnyhalllDanMcFlanumlikewhatifBolingerDylancouchdwellerennuizle
    • 431
    • RETWEETS
    Meat_spoonTheBehrgelizaeffectjaredbrannonlogalotennuizlechief_bearpawrobertjbennett
    trash_sleeperjolly_getterrare_basement
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    who ARE the mythbusters? *montage of like ten pianos exploding* adam savage *piano explodes* jamie hyneman *piano explodes* *piano explodes*

    • 604
    • FAVS
    radtoriaMeat_spoonKrLillenesiBuiltTheSkyopaquesnakefamoushorseglenna_optcouchdweller
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    opaquesnakechief_bearpawHymTheGrimeGodGrokamoleShhelbbydaadvaimsvoxelcomposerCrashRowdy
    BryukF____________koala_hugs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    great tweets, everybody. keep it up

    • 612
    • FAVS
    JakeHowell9Sam_aholictoafBromanConsulconstantlyjoshjsaffle1glenna_opt_SnowPrincess__
    • 132
    • RETWEETS
    derridaliciousRowdySailboatTRASHlNESS__vic_fuensexpiamary14MelissaRayeeimsassydivaVioletCentaur
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    I can't believe nobody thought of sandwiches until like the 1700s. The past was stupid

    • 442
    • FAVS
    Allie874HagglerspoppaGoodOpinionManMikeysTutuMeat_spoonveroniraptorover_as_hellfemmilie
    • 286
    • RETWEETS
    GoodOpinionManfemmiliebecksorwhateveragentkonybankspowerfulshampooglazed_hamemilyisdumbitsBOBBIH
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    an orb floats into a bar. the bartender asks "why the perfectly spherical glowing blue body?" the orb hums and crackles

    • 469
    • FAVS
    srslyyyyyyyyyyynecrologiesantibirdfactsphranqueighnotbenbarberAdamWtrfldjaboquiematt_thed
    • 257
    • RETWEETS
    antibirdfactscasephnovamattwithanhliquebotmkuhmannsseapvnkdouglasbenpaulbecausehuman
    loveletterbombs
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    did scaramouche ever end up doing the fandango or did that ever get resolved or what

    • 320
    • FAVS
    Meat_spoonjsaffle122centurybluesitsAllYumzurilian4_Gondordanamayer94tinyhum
    • 320
    • RETWEETS
    cybermangobradcesanekbenthalpydanamayer94sausagemcgriddlveroniraptorKarinaFromFieldPadrinoTragico
  • jitka
      jitka @jitka

    please envision Jeff Goldblum as Iron Man. please do this for me

    • 451
    • FAVS
    Meat_spoonglenna_opthipsterbonerLuciusFurySwell_BroYelixMeganKT04lily_MCRmy
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    alexsleepwalksmorgvannyDrew4484RykerRiottrendinalios666Bad_Wolf777Katieingham4isatameirao
@jitka

@jitka

a smooth, fist-sized river rock

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