I may look calm, but in my head, I've killed you three times...

I've learned that you just CANNOT make someone fall in love with you. All you CAN do, is stalk them and hope they panic and just give in.

It's not God I dislike, He's cool. it's certain members of his fanclub that rub me the wrong way.

Atheism has slowly evolved into a religion, a church of non-belief, complete with it's own unique brand of fanatics and bigots.

They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?

If men had pussies, they would no doubt brag on the width and depth of their holes.

I've been called cynical, twisted, pessimistic, lewd, obscene, crass, sick & even socially unacceptable. I'm also damn cute & mad sexy.

They say money doesnt buy happiness...well, it seems poverty doesn't even begin to put a decent down payment on the bitch.

Don't stab me in the back & then insist I apologize for bleeding on your shoes.

Let's face it.

There is no remote when it comes to life.

You have to get up off of your lazy ass & change it yourself.

If you've met someone who's opened your eyes, altered your thinking or said something profound that's really stuck with you,

stick by them.

My heart is red,
my thoughts are gold.
Now get on your knees,
and do as you're told.

Innocence ends when you realize there are no monsters in your closet or under your bed. You come to find they are walking the streets.

If at first you do not succeed, ever so cleverly cover your tracks and swiftly destroy all remmnants of evidence and then run like Hell.

There are situations when that which does not kill you only makes you so desperately wish that it fucking had.

A true friend will cover your weaknesses with their strengths, while happily broadcasting your strengths to the world.

All women are instinctually flirts, but some are restrained by their shyness, and others by common sense.

A true best friend is someone who happily detests the same moronic insipid simpering assfaces that you do.

Please do me a solid and don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and extremely hard to light. -- The Janitor

I'm the bad-ass type that loves to watch horror movies & never bat an eyelash but nearly piss my shorts when toast pops out of the toaster.