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Having a "Dance Like White People" party at my house tonight if any of you guys wanna come and dance with just your shoulders.
Don't use my toilet if you're visiting me. Wait 'till you get home.
Black girls with blonde hair. Stop it.
I feel like I would accidentally drop my sword as I rode into battle.
Todd Akin is making it so hard to be white in America. #LegitimateRape
Hey, ladies- ever see a dude with no athleticism throw a ball? Yea? That's how bad you look when you can't walk in heels.
Advice To Future Son: Never fight a dude whose hair isn't lined up. He clearly doesn't give a fuck & will go the distance.
I'm thankful they changed it to "Black Friday" instead of the original title; "Post Thanksgiving Nigga Blowout Sale." #USA
There's nothing more unattractive than an attractive woman that doesn't know she's attractive.
I like to hide condom wrappers in my married friends' pockets.
We're all going to be disgusting one day. Find someone who makes you laugh and whose smell you don't hate and call it a day.
I like going up to well-dressed white people in grocery stores and asking them if they work there.
Guess what, white people. I'm scared of a lot of black guys, too.
Twitter is homework for a class that doesn't count towards your major.
A black man can get more jail time accidentally shooting himSELF than a man can for killing an innocent kid. #WeAreTrayvon
There's a 40% chance I would have sex with a load of hot laundry fresh out of the dryer.
There is absolutely no reason for anybody to ever call me on a phone.
Yolo... Rolos. Marco Polo. Two ninjas doin flips in a dojo. No homo. Tony Romo. Flo Jo. Slow it down, make it clap in slow mo.
And on the 7th day God said "yeah, N***a. That's what's up."
I used to play Cowboys & Indians as a kid. I realize now I was playing "Greedy Europeans killing people on an already discovered land."
Writer for The Cleveland Show on FOX. Director. Actor. Black guy.