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An older guy at the gym asked me what machine will impress the sexy women. I told him the ATM will work
Alcohol gives you the ambition to do anything,
while simultaneously destroying your ability to do so.
so your NOT supposed to abuse cough syrup but they provide a plastic shot glass?!?!?!
I hate housework. make the beds, do the dishes then six months later, you have to do it all again
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Black Friday: Because only in America people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be
You know you're getting older when happy hour is a nap
The only person who ever actually listens to both sides of the argument is the guy in the next apartment.
Ok so magic Mike is not a kids movie about magicians. I am the worst babysitter of all time.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
What if Internet explorer sucks because nobody ever submitted an error report??
Sex is like software: For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free.
chopsticks are the main reason the Chinese did not invent pudding
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
to the people following me: I'm flattered but the GPS broke 5 miles ago and I've been winging it since then
Co-Founder, VP Monardo's Services. The BEST Hospitality staffing Company in Ontario! LOVE my BUSINESS, my WIFE (@lauralepore78) my FAMILY and FITNESS.
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