Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I would be a sweet weatherman. "It might rain, but it might not. Fuck if I know. Look outside"
Bro, your fly is down. Lemme help.
Yo bro, I wasn't sold on you being a cool dude, but that tint job on your cavalier really speaks to me.
Red solo cup, shut the fuck up.
Why haven't countdown clocks on toasters been invented yet?
Saying "I love you" is sooo cheesy. Why can't girls just be cool with "you give me boners all the time."
If you're allergic to peanuts don't talk/text/look or even think about me.
The hotter you are, the longer our hug will be.
Imagine if your balls were little penis eggs & one day they hatched and you had 2 little baby penises
If spidey senses are real, this spider in my bathroom has got to know he's fucked.
Have you ever been so lonely you just wanna call the pizza guy & chat for a bit?
I think the biggest erection I've ever gotten was from a vanilla coke
What's that Red Hot Chili peppers song where they sing about California?
I worked all day on this tweet
If a stoner smokes a joint and doesn't post it on facebook, did he still smoke a joint?
#50ThingsIHate 50 babies
What's that Toby Keith song where he sings about beer, USA or trucks?
Football would be way cooler on ice
black nipples look like chocolate chips
Really miss having a cat, but right now I'd settle for some chinese food.