If you don't retweet, you will never find each other.

Twitter is such a fucking stupid name for Twitter.

I've been unfollowed by better.

I'd star your shit before you've even thought them. BOOM. Like that.

What's a subtweet?

Can I do one?

I have no idea what's going on.

Hey, I don't know how to tell you this but I could be anyone.

Let me give you something to think about.

Me.

Alright, calm the fuck down, I'm here.

My favourite thing about today has been my couch.

Congratulations. You picked my tweet to read.

I might not be everyone's cup of tea. Especially if you like coffee.

I know I irritate you because I irritate myself.

Im a dreamer and a thinker.
I'm a drinker.

I've got some brilliant tweets, somewhere.

I guess we should just spend the day kissing then.

The only thing I've achieved today is nothing.

I've just cooked a roast dinner, with a raging hangover, while tweeting shit. Just in case you are wondering how perfect I am.

I only come on here to read my own tweets.

Let's hug, all day.