A happy marriage starts with a sloppy wet blowjob.

Everyone makes mistakes, but always remember to admit your own first before you point out someone else's.

Well u should have thought of that before you followed me.

Cartman is the best cartoon character ever!

My Dick is so polite.. It stands up so ladies can sit down.

If the pink flamingo in the yard is turned to the left, that means they're DTF.

It's like a secret trailer park code or something.

#ff @lamell33 @superduper8766 @_silver_s_ @cassiehuether15 @gypsy_jess03 @kseybs @steel_princess @joes1000rr @crazyrnpensfan @adignorantium

Never try 69 with a midget.

My back is fucking killing me!

It's a good thing I'm cute.

I wouldn't get away with talking about shit, farts, boogers, and things if I wasn't.

*lifts leg and rips it*

Since you can't lick both nipples at the same time, I will take one for you.

#LyricsThatMeanAlotToMe "If your girl don't swallow kids, man that hoe basic." -2 Chainz

I'm ambidextrous! I rub with the left & porn with the right

SuperPowers come in DD's.

Good News: I'm drunk
Bad News: You're still ugly
Good News: I still have no standards

You'll do for tonight.

Beer tastes so good when you take it with good friends and lots of laughs.

While kissing me passionately, wrap your hand in my hair..

Twist me around and bend me over the bed. Head held down and immobile.

Take it

"Don't tell me no one has ever stuck a finger up your ass before." - The Americans. Recommend.

About to go Italian mafia on this fuckface that will not quit staring. It's car rider pick up, not a bar, douche.

#WHATSAIDAFTERSEX WELL I'AM OUTTA HEAR

If she is running late or doesn't feel well, my need for sex goes up by about 1000%. It's science.