@joeschmitt's (Joe Schmitt) most faved Tweets...
Next person who says "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" will learn that it's not my fist, but the impact.
For Halloween I'll be a banker. I'll eat all my candy, all yours, then convince the government that if I don't get more candy we all starve.
For Halloween I'm going as an iPhone. I'll be the life of the party for a few hours, but then run out of energy and pass out on the couch.
So that turn signal for the last 2 miles did NOT indicate a lane change? Well played. I hope I don't meet you over a poker table, Tan Civic.
You know who sucks? Aggressive drivers.
And cowardly drivers.
And slow drivers.
And drivers who are not me.
And cowardly drivers.
And slow drivers.
And drivers who are not me.
You memorized a few Bible passages. So? I know all the words to Stairway To Heaven but you don't see me boring the train reciting it.
For Halloween I'm going as Facebook. Early on I'll reintroduce a long lost friend, then bore you with which Scooby Doo villain they are.
On Halloween I'm giving out lemons to see if any kids make lemonade. Kids love life lessons even better than candy, right?
Maybe we've been going about this all wrong. Maybe we should put straight marriage on a referendum and see what happens.
Meeting an old friend for drinks after work. Hope he doesn't bring up that Farmville invite I ignored.
So today people were trying to keep Twitter from working. I suppose that’s fair- usually Twitter keeps people from working.
Is there a colored ribbon we can all wear that will make the economic crisis go away? You know, like we did to defeat terrorism and AIDS.
Drove through Real America today. Those people like their Jesus, and have trouble avoiding animals on the freeway.
That Facebook notification should say "Joe Schmitt has been tagged in an old photo that he wishes had been lost forever."
Sorry, been off Twitter all day. Was busy giving my blow-up doll a teen makeover so I'm not conspicuous at New Moon tonight.
Can't tell from this angle if that deaf couple is arguing or if she's giving him a handjob. I don't think I'll ask.
For Halloween I'm going as Twitter. One minute I'll be in your face talking a mile-a-minute, the next I'll be aloof and unavailable.
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