RIP Google Buzz. The company reports they are shutting it down, which will impact tens of people.

Next person who says "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" will learn that it's not my fist, but the impact.

For Halloween I'll be a banker. I'll eat all my candy, all yours, then convince the government that if I don't get more candy we all starve.

Either Facebook is down or Mark Zuckerberg just set everything to PRIVATE.

So that turn signal for the last 2 miles did NOT indicate a lane change? Well played. I hope I don't meet you over a poker table, Tan Civic.

Anderson Cooper had planned to keep quiet, but he couldn't come up with any plausible reason for seeing Magic Mike twice this weekend.

For Halloween I'm going as an iPhone. I'll be the life of the party for a few hours, but then run out of energy and pass out on the couch.

I'm so old and boring my safe word is STOP.

Two more speedbumps on our street.

Now we're finally safe from terrorists.

Well, the Mayans were close-- Oprah goes off the air in 2011.

You know who sucks? Aggressive drivers.
And cowardly drivers.
And slow drivers.
And drivers who are not me.

Obama said "This is not class warfare. It's math." Rick Perry disagreed saying "Math is just one theory that's out there."

You memorized a few Bible passages. So? I know all the words to Stairway To Heaven but you don't see me boring the train reciting it.

For Halloween I'm going as Facebook. Early on I'll reintroduce a long lost friend, then bore you with which Scooby Doo villain they are.

On Halloween I'm giving out lemons to see if any kids make lemonade. Kids love life lessons even better than candy, right?

Meeting an old friend for drinks after work. Hope he doesn't bring up that Farmville invite I ignored.

Maybe we've been going about this all wrong. Maybe we should put straight marriage on a referendum and see what happens.

Is there a colored ribbon we can all wear that will make the economic crisis go away? You know, like we did to defeat terrorism and AIDS.

If Romney loses, will those "put the white back in White House" t-shirts go to Africa like the "Bears 2007 Super Bowl Champs" t-shirts did?

So today people were trying to keep Twitter from working. I suppose that’s fair- usually Twitter keeps people from working.