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I am easily the coolest motherfucker in this Jo-Ann Fabrics right now.
Eat a Snickers, Britt McHenry....... you're not you when you're hungry.
Never ask Jackson Pollock to toss a salad.
Hillary sees her shadow. 4 more years of Bill Clinton.
Once more for the weekend... have a good one, all! http://mightyblowhole.blogspot.com/2012/03/zwolfs-neverending-guide-to-who-you.html … #FF
"Maybe you should switch to unfiltered. After all, you're smoking for two now." - thing I unfortunately just had reason to think
Figuring out that "Gnip Gnop" game was just "ping pong" spelled backward was more disillusioning to me than finding out there is no god.
A US senator – himself the son of a longtime senator – launched his "antiestablishment" presidential bid today.
This world is satire-proof.
My grandparents have been married 63 years. I asked my grandmother what the key was. Her response "never forget you're on the same team".
I'm not proud of the things I do when Paradise City comes on.
Pope has lunch with gay, transgender and HIV-positive prisoners because in his version of the Bible, Jesus never went to Indiana
My wife’s on the “Gremlin Diet” which means I’m not supposed to feed her after midnight. Also I can’t get her wet. That’s unrelated.
7 years sober today & I feel real good. People on Twitter inspire me & your kindness has blown my mind. If u are struggling pls ask for help
BREAKING: Famed adulterer Newt Gingrich cancels trip to Indiana, citing "fear of stoning by religious zealots"
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