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The key to a joyful life is finding the inner peace needed to hoist & hold joy about one's heart... & titty fucking. Lots of titty fucking.
Jesus: the only time a Republican believes a Palestinian-Arab can be white
Tila Tequila and Britney Spears new video are trending higher than Nelson Mandela and that's why we can't have nice things.
if you're a superfat dude named moody you're going to get called 'mooby' it's just math, bro
I wish the people who said my art degree would be worthless could see the art I create in the lattes I serve.
Kanye West said that he's the next Nelson Mandela, so when does his 27 year prison sentence start?
"Anybody here work for a poor person?" he asked.
Actually, you do, Senator Paul. 700k Kentuckians live in poverty.
My version of Twerking is being on Twitter all day instead of working.
"Coaxial" apparently translates as "fuck your fingers and patience."
I have to make chilli for an office party but I know nobody's going to eat it because of that rumor that I "kill hitchhikers" & "cook them."
Not going to be happy until a family of Amazon drones take up residence in my backyard and change my life Batteries Not Included style.
Few, however, are familiar with their later nosedive into insecurity when they became Wrong Said Fred & released "I'm Not Sexy Enough."
Promoted tweets would be less irritating if they said anything worth reading.