Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Your Jesus fish tells me you believe in not having fun.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I'm cool with that..
Still waiting to use Geometry......
My sex life smells like chloroform.
I usually avoid using pickup lines, but saying "I have an iPhone charger" in a crowded bar always gets me at least 7 chicks.
I'd love to see a TV show based entirely on people getting annoyed trying to install software.
Bottom shelf drunk with top shelf dreams.
My wife installed a set of those Foxconn suicide nets on our roof. She must know.
BMW has recalled 220,000 cars due to a disturbing defect.
Several have been seen without a total douchebag behind the wheel.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed in spaces. Like: I’m going to the liquor store and I’m afraid it’s closed.
Celebrating Cinco de Mayo the traditional way (eating 5 jars of mayonnaise).
Putting whiskey in my coffee cause I hate my job!
There are people currently training for the "World Series of Rock Paper Scissors", in case you thought your life was pointless.
Bring on the Islanders!
I liked titties before twitter.