@jokey76's (Jokey Smurf) most faved Tweets...
Watching Victoria's Secret Fashion Show w/ Black Eyed Peas in the background is like masturbating with my mom yelling, "You OK in there?"
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Like we always say in our family: It's not Christmas until someone cries. And by Christmas, I mean every day and by someone I mean me.
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There's something relaxing about peeing in the ocean, but I recommend you go out further than 3 ft. And dont drop your pants.
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Headed to a bridal show with the fiance. There's a $10,000 reward for anyone who is able to locate my balls. I already checked her purse.
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To top the groom who texted from the altar, I called my friend while bangin' my fiance. Too bad I accidentally called her dad. Awkward.
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For some reason, I get pissed when I see a fat person, smoking a cigarette, park in an handicapped spot. No worries...I still love you mom!
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Wonder if my wife figured out the pile of tissues has nothing to do with my runny nose. I'll have a cough drop to throw her off the scent.
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This conference call closely resembles me, punching myself in the face. Mainly, because I am sitting here, punching myself in the face.
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I'm taking a drink every time the Democrats stand up for Obama. At this rate, I will be passed out in the bathroom by the evening news.
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Atlanta is all excited about 1 inch! I guess it's true: It's not the size, but how you use it, amirite ladies? No?! Shit.
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I appreciate the whole bra color thing, but if you *REALLY* support Breast Cancer Awareness, you will post pictures.
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Just found out my wife is hurrying home so we can be together at midnight. You heard me! Get your sweet ass out before she gets home!! NOW!!
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I started to list my Top 10 Sexual Experiences of the 2000's, but after my hand took the first six spots, I stopped...and cried.
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To the person/people who convinced women that wearing tights, boots, and a tiny sweater was fashionable, I have one thing to say: THANK YOU.
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Just found out there will be "team building" activities at the holiday party. This better not mess with my liver destroying activities.
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My wife gave me morning sex today. To show my gratitude, I gave her a cream pie. Guess she didn't know we were having a food fight.
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Not only did my 2-yr old get up at 5:30am, but then he dropped a deuce while we were in the shower. Well played, Monday. Well played.
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