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When your father sees the beauty of your dancing he will accept you for who you are.
Can everyone stay off the Twitter for the next two hours? I'm expecting a tweet from my doctor.
What's that one techno song called? It goes like, "Thump - Thump - Thump - ThumpThumpThump - Thump - Thump..."
Don't let anybody tell you not to follow your nightmares and make them come true.
Part of being a good person is placing soft wet kisses on the mouths of homeless people while they sleep.
To the additional pot that was on the stove after I thought I was done washing the dishes, I hate your stinkin' guts.
I try to stay politically neutral, but if I had to pick a party I'd pick a west coast party, cause a west coast party don't stop...
I would be so much more self conscious about the state of my anus if I were gay. Right now I'm all whatevs about it.
Sure, a Black president is a great step forward for our country, but we will never be truly evolved until we have a baby president.
What was the name of that pale skinned eccentric character Johnny Depp played that one time?
Hey ladies, I'm gonna need to impose a limit on you. From now on you only get five best friends.
If there's one thing Twitter taught me, it's that pretty much everyone on Earth has secretly been funnier than me this whole time.
I don't know what T.I.'s middle name is, but if it starts with an M, then HEY I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT!!
I grew up first as a child, then got into my teens, then on into my twenties and now here I am in my thirties. JimmyKimmelLiveMilonakisSouthParkCrankYankers
