Thanksgiving @mrwordsworth's http://t.co/FxSocHA0

This is Seattle on the first day of legalizing pot.  http://twitpic.com/bk7p30 

If you're not suppose to abuse cough syrup, then why does it come with a plastic shot glass?

1+1=3 ...if you don't use a condom.

Apparently; Baby powder + water don't equal baby?

You no doubt have a cheap health plan, when you ask for Viagra, and they give you a popsicle stick and duct-tape.

If marriage was outlawed, only outlaws would have inlaws.

Research states,laughter can lenghten your life,as smoking can shorten it. So always chuckle between puffs.

Know how the man on the moon gets his hair cut?..Eclipse it!!.

"I know,I know,..it's time I stop making lame puns...I'm a groan man."

The doctor gave me the "all clear" today on my OCD...couldn't thank him enough.

"Well, if I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong."

A girlfriend of mine was thinking of names for her new baby coming...She's been with so many different guys, I suggested; "Skittles.

"Single & ready to Mingle"...Sounds way better than "Loner with a Boner" doesn't it?

The toilet's broken,so I always choose plastic over paper at the checkout.

People say that 60 is the new 40!...The cop that pulled me over this morning disagreed!

I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support it's given me over the years.

I love therapy sessions,cause I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.

My wife faked an orgasm, so I faked a mortgage payment.

Obesity in America is escalating..It's too lazy to take the stairs.