@danecook your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

Did you know? Its impossible to say “Good Eye Might” without sounding Australian? RT if you tried.

We get Fall Out Boy back and lose My Chemical Romance. This is why we can't have nice things.

I'm appalled that the free service that I'm in no way obligated to use keeps making changes that mildy inconvenience me. #newfacebook

"Age is just a number." "Yeah? Jail is just a room."

National Kiss Day is going to cause #ForeverAlone to trend. Just watch.

#youknowwhatsannoying Saying that a band "saved your life". Listening to @officialbvb makes me wanna stab myself in the ear.

Rebecca Black pregnancy rumors are abound. Guess she chose the back seat.

@jonnycraig4l Is this you? http://yfrog.com/h6pf0icj

It's National Orgasm Day Tomorrow. I'm going to hold a party for it. I want everyone to come.

Falling In Reverse's new song sounds like shit. In other news, the Pope is Catholic.

It's really sad when bands get loads of money on Kickstarter yet, Deftones can't raise more than 7K to save Chi's life. http://t.co/lzzTPUky

Why wait till March 22nd to see The Hunger Games? It's been playing in third world countries since forever. @veryrudetweets

Christofer Drew releases a dubstep album, and now Justin Bieber. All I have to say is: I hope both of their careers tank.

Alzheimer's can't be all bad; you get to meet new people every day.

You're not a Pokemon trainer and you didn't go to Hogwarts. Shut the fuck up.

Remember when @danecook was funny? Neither do I.

Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.

If Prince William is 100% royal and Kate is 0% royal, will that make their son the half-blood prince?

#DoUrHomework and spell it right #DoYourHomework