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Hey, girls with super sexy bathroom mirror profile pics, nobody looks good in a bathroom. That's where you're supposed to shit.
What if Jesus really did love you, but in a gay way? How would you turn him down?
.@pontifex I would go to church more often if they had communion pretzels. (And less pedophiles too, of course.)
When I think about it, I probably should've died from a heart attack years ago. But then I wouldn't get to eat anymore delicious Jumbo Jacks
@summiesumsum Tell them that all different religions are like wizard schools and one day prayers will be as powerful as spells! ⚡Petrificus⚡
Why did the horse have a long face?
Because his daughter was diagnosed with stage2 breast cancer : (
Follow this man too! #FF RT @andrewquinnster I wish I was as attractive and funny as Amber Tamblyn thinks she is.
Whenever Facebook tells me that my friends changed their profile picture, I always think to myself, "Damn, I have some UGLY friends."
Line up, ladies? RT @elibraden The blue whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm.
Since I have not had sex in a while, the sensation of urinating has become quite orgasmic.
My only pick up line is: GET IN THE FUCKING CAR YOU BITCH! Works every time.
The greatest trick the Devil ever played was getting a fat person to break a chair by sitting on it.
@deanb15 @stevilthoughts Don't get me in the middle of your Twitter BF drama, Kay? I don't wanna start nothing because I'm a total pussy.
People shouldn't be afraid to name their baby Adolf. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't happen again.
I've had sex for money. (My money.)
Stats can't be shown as @jorgesernatwit has never signed in to Favstar.
