Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Pretty sure the man at breakfast wanted to fight me for laughing at his jean shorts. JORTAL KOMBAT!!
Why is Blue Moon beer garnished with an orange wedge? Wouldn't a tampon make more sense?
Attention gay toast: it gets butter.
"Lovin life with my awesome husband and friends @ Buffalo Wild Wings!!" - someone I defriended on Facebook.
You could cut the sexual tension in this KFC with a spork.
McDonalds announces all happy meals will now include a degree from The University of Phoenix.
I saw no celebrities in Famous Footwear.
At what age can I start calling men younger than me "sparky"?
Al Jazeera radio doesn't play nearly enough jazz.
I hate when I get a twist cone at Dairy Queen and it's mostly chocolate ice cream. It's like Oprah hugging Gwenyth Paltrow.
The difference between true north and magnetic north is the same difference as a lie and you look nice today.
Why is the Olive Garden's logo a bunch of grapes?
CNN doesn't report news, MTV doesn't play music, and I haven't learned anything from TLC (The LEARNING Channel) in five years. I hate TV.
If you bring your child to the bar, don't act shocked when I buy him an Irish Car Bomb.
Brave WNBA player comes out as straight.
Everytime I drive past a prison, I imagine right at that moment someone is pressing a nipple up to the glass partition in the visiting booth
I wonder if Costco sells Fourpac Shakur?
Just bumped into this chick from high school who used to talk shit about me for bring gay. She makes a horrible latte. Best. Day. Ever.
"Who is that?" - Educated Saints fan.
Obama releasing long version of Birth certificate? I hope it doesn't spill over to a TwitLonger, I hate that.
Hyper-frequent traveler, hotel snob, car nut, observing the world 140 characters at a time.