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On Christmas eve I get so excited I can't sleep and get the shakes and throw up all over myself and bleed out my ears.
I'm not sure what's worse, people continually trying to say Obama is a Muslim or the fact that they in turn view that as a negative thing.
No. To the best of my knowledge, You Raise Me Up was not written about Viagra or Easter.
Is it just me or has the iPhone gone from spell correction to straight up "no no you would much prefer THIS random word" correction?
If you look cool at the gym you're not doing it right.
Does the person who doesn't row but yells at the rowers at the end of the boat get a medal? I think I can be an Olympian.
"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." -MLK
Coach Rodriguez, I'm very flattered but crying to You Raise Me Up is SO five years ago. #playwelcometothejungle
Dear Abercrombie, I had no idea the situation was wearing your clothes until you mentioned it. #goodjob
Airline girl took my ticket and said she had a crush and asked for an autograph. I wrote "thanks for checking me in and checking me out".
Furthermore, Rafael Nadal and I had a love child. And he's now looking for love on ABC. We both wish him the best.
There is no lower point in sports than losing on purpose in Badminton. #olympics
Just think, RIGHT this minute, Madonna is somewhere in the stadium stretching and saying "lips, teeth, tip of the tongue" to herself.
Draw Something is all fun and games until you have 32 people waiting for drawings. This is totally what Damien Hirst's life must be like.
Nothing feels more deflating than when a dog shows zero interest in you.
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