@hodgman has essentially written a Choose Your Own Adventure with no choices. The ending is RAGNAROK. That Is All.

I did it. I FUCKING DID IT! I got to the red light BEFORE ANYONE ELSE. I have never felt so alive! - every other stupid driver, apparently.

@sublimelifeog @petersagal @chrisrregan Terms of Service. Tv watching was much more litigious then. Just by watching you agreed to the terms

@pattonoswalt Discovery will need to replace Shark Week if the zombies generate a higher kill count.

@fvng I guess there IS a market for a naked Tommy Wiseau.

Listening to @robdelaney while falling asleep last night was not well thought out.

@robdelaney All sex offenders are yoga teachers.

:( apparently they've never heard of faith. #holyquinity RT @fnccorrections: Johnny 5 was not alive.

What are the odds Zero Dark-Thirty One is straight to video?

@rstevens you mean everything from the incredible bongo band.

@pants I know what you mean. I want that alone time reported on as much as the BS leading up to the election.

@billcorbett It’s ok. There’s a lot of backstory and fan fiction considered canon to keep track of.

@sbellelauren Was it a gummy bear?

Beatles songs would be really weird if every time they said 'baby' they meant an actual baby.

"@teamcoco: "banjobanjoBANJOBANJObanjobanjo" - every Mumford & Sons song." Bought the album based on this tweet.

@thenardvark why, that's me! Hooray!

@nice_mustard @shortpacked In England they’re called jet bikes. Does that help the healing?

Oxford commas or death!

@carlycastle @enesser I pull out a slide rule and 3d glasses and most financial advisors I'm training freak out.

@aliontheair If she is, it's into a copy of Word her kids told her was her blog.