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Don't cuddle me too hard tonite cause I'll fart on you.
'I Don't Want To Put That In My Mouth' - the updated title of my biography or my new cookbook
I've misplaced my iPod and now I have to listen to the crushing silence and my own thoughts so don't tell me I don't know suffering.
Rule #4 for dating: don't get bogged down by ethics.
Today's dance moves were brought to you by Flashdance and the blob of jello that just fell into my bra and slid into my pants.
If I'd known how it feels when my Dad says he's proud of me cause I bought the single malt Irish whiskey, I'd have got more A's in school.
found my wallet before I even knew I lost it. this is terrific!
Sometimes I wish my name was Cinnamon. But just sometimes, not all the time.
What kind of a monster puts a chocolate covered raisin in with the chocolate covered almonds!?
My life is in shambles.
If you challenge me to stuff a whole cupcake in my mouth at once, no matter the size, I will accept.
fuck...one if my supervisors just noticed that I'm doing a good job. Now I gotta tone down all these shades of awesome before its too late.
it's like a 12 step program for me to get out if bed today.