Don't cuddle me too hard tonite cause I'll fart on you.

'I Don't Want To Put That In My Mouth' - the updated title of my biography or my new cookbook

I've misplaced my iPod and now I have to listen to the crushing silence and my own thoughts so don't tell me I don't know suffering.

Rule #4 for dating: don't get bogged down by ethics.

Today's dance moves were brought to you by Flashdance and the blob of jello that just fell into my bra and slid into my pants.

If I'd known how it feels when my Dad says he's proud of me cause I bought the single malt Irish whiskey, I'd have got more A's in school.

@haankchinaski you're a really good friend to Brad. I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have you.

found my wallet before I even knew I lost it. this is terrific!

Sometimes I wish my name was Cinnamon. But just sometimes, not all the time.

What kind of a monster puts a chocolate covered raisin in with the chocolate covered almonds!?

My life is in shambles.

@polaroid_rage oh no! He totally wants you to go all Kristen Stewart on his Rupert Sanders ass.

@hallpasscanada @daniellaanne done.

If you challenge me to stuff a whole cupcake in my mouth at once, no matter the size, I will accept.

NOTE TO SELF: banking 5 days of @isaacchinaski tweets may seem like a fun idea but you will miss yoga class.

fuck...one if my supervisors just noticed that I'm doing a good job. Now I gotta tone down all these shades of awesome before its too late.

@haankchinaski good night beard!

@linzyarnott Papa Petts proud of his one of a kind collection. pic.twitter.com/rhw4wChd

it's like a 12 step program for me to get out if bed today.

@hallpasscanada did they mention anything about grabbing your tits instead? I'm going to buffalo next week.

@haankchinaski if we're gonna be honest here, the more used they are the better they are. fingers crossed I find a good one on Saturday!