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I'm in bed, in the dark, listening to adult contemporary tunes because I made terrible choices last night and this is all I can handle now.
Making people laugh via twitter is pretty much all I have happening in life right now and I'm not even that good at it #SomberTweet
How many weight watchers points are 3 plates of nachos? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "football" like scantily clad gay men dancing around a 900 year old snake demon. #Madonna #SuperBowl
I love how recipes on Pinterest are either unrealistically healthy or murderously unhealthy. Middle ground is overrated.
Dreamed last night that I was Tina Fey's kids' nanny and now reality will only be a hollow shell of my perfect life.
Going to Scott's Antique Market today. Can't wait to find some weird shit to put in a closet and forget about, b/c I thought it was "funny".
I find it hard to believe that Emile Hirsch turned down Kristen Stewart in Into the Wild b/c she's too young & not b/c she's too terrible.
I will never not call Lauren Graham Lorelai. That is her name, that is her identity. I don't make the rules.
I love my space heater more than anyone or anything in the world.
"Fuck you"- me, aloud, to a jogger I saw while sitting in my car alone eating Krystal burgers in the parking lot.
Hey guys, how wacky would it be if Robin Williams was an English teacher at an uptight New England boarding school? #Zany
Watching The Dead Poets Society if anyone wants to see me sob uncontrollably.
Just hanging out, watching Romeo+Juliet with all my friends*! (*alone in my bed)
If my ability to make unbelievably good cheese toast is any indication, I'm actually 76 years old.
Will someone buy me the Perfect Tortilla Pan? I'll need it for my new career as a meth dealing recluse with an animal hoarding problem.
Sometimes I don't check my email for a couple of days and then get so anxious that I think about never checking it again, b/c I'm a child.