So I made my twitter to keep up with worldly events but somewhere along the way I decided to follow all you funny fucks instead. Love it.

30 Day Facebook Challenge!

Each day, instead of updating your status: write it down in a diary! After 30 days look back & realise you suck.

If children are the future I want to live in the past

The smartest people are the best at playing dumb.

I wish you were the person you are in my head.

I need a boyfriend so I have something to hate with a passion.

Mario was just a regular old plumber, then his wife left him for a tougher man. He got hooked on shrooms & simple things became psychedelic.

Anyone who says smoking is the "dirtiest" thing in the world clearly lacks imagination.

Grocery shop:

Mother: "Imagine looking in the fridge - what would you like to see?"

Me: "A gateway to another dimension."

Wrong answer.

It seems in my older years I have replaced the Blanky with a mobile phone.

What look should I go for today: hoodrat; gangsta; skank or respectable journalism student? (I don't really have an outfit for that though)!

How did Bill & Ted get away with all the things they did without messing up the space time continuum ?

I'm pretty trusting that you guys aren't a bunch of gross freaks in your underwear sitting in dirty houses on twitter.. Please don't be.

Starting to think it's time. Time to become a coked out hooker. My other plans just aren't working.

If I fell down the stairs god knows how long it would take for anyone to find me.. I don't even have a pet to nibble my fingers off. =' ( 

Imagine how many people are fucking right this second... & here we are on twitter.

Eminem is 39!? Shit hey. Time for him to start making kids movies then.

I just cracked my bong trying to give it a good old clean. Feels like I murdered my best friend.

I may not have as many followers as her, but I also don't post next to naked pictures of myself for strangers to jerk off to on here.

Which one of you stole the magic pills & replaced them with tic tacs ?! No one's going home until someone owns up. I can sit here all day.