either bbc iplayer becomes available in the US, or i'll start feeding rice to pigeons! do you know what happens then? BOOM! pigeon massacre.

well, bbc iplayer: your family hates you. your friends hate you. the rain forest hates you. life decision time, bbc iplayer.

*bark! bark? shiing! SQUAAAAAASH! yelp!* that's right. another evil unicorn-related puppy death that could have been easily prevented.

also: the only way to receive the undivided love of your friends and family is to let americans use bbc iplayer.

plus, YOU'RE KILLING THE RAIN FOREST! may the guilt sink into you like an unclean needle of remorse.

every day that bbc iplayer doesn't allow americans to access their videos, a tiny cute puppy gets impaled by an evil unicorn.

just watched kate and leopold for the first time. gaggingly romantic movie starring an estrogen-injected mr. darcy and a skinny blonde fish.

#donttrytoholla at helen keller. i'm serious, she can't hear you and she can't holla back.

i will strip for arizona green tea. you give me the tea first.

he repeatedly runs you over with his car. #HesNotThatIntoYou

just pulled up to the bates motel with an envelope of stolen money in my purse. well i guess it's time for a shower! #mylasttweetonearth

Your MoMA's so fat she can hold thousands of works of art.

i'll tell you this for free, it doesn't feel like friday. it feels like a time-warped tuesday wrapped in a tortilla and fried to perfection.

a long day of walking at the san diego zoo, a couple of hours of boogie boarding at the beach, and now... http://dailybooth.com/u/h4se

i just yelled "WHY IS EVERYBODY DYING!?" and then i started choking on my saliva. i'm fine now, but man that was a close one.

#iremember when the macarena was the cool thing to know how to dance to. nobody knew the words tho. nobody.

remember when you were a kid and it seemed like your birthday would NEVER come? years seemed longer back then.

just finished TWO article responses in record time. if i could high-five myself, i would. well, i can, but it just looks like i'm clapping.

i want to put a kettle on, but i haven't got a kettle. buy me a kettle.

We went to IHOP for dinner! Bernice and I did not order pancakes because we are rebels. Rebels who had to shell out $7 for crepes.