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Two and a Half Men. One Cup. #evilsitcoms
Thinking of being the first person to get hit by a Google bus. This one's for my city.
Old men at the bar asking me to close the door. Almost 50 years later and their generation is still trying to dodge drafts.
Golden Shower Girls #evilsitcoms
I like doing comedy and being a comic. I'm poor though.
I'm trying to expand my vocabulary and it's going... alright. Fuck!
Curbstomp Your Enthusiasm #evilsitcoms
Sometimes I just yell, "WORLDSTAR HIP HOP!" because I'm constantly fighting my demons.
Just saw a really, really buff dude sneeze.
How come you never see Guy Fieri and the lead singer of Smash Mouth at the same place at the same time?
Javelin catching #RejectedOlympicEvents
I drink so much bourbon that I literally sweat Bulleits.
Most people have good hair days, but I'm having a good hair life.
I'm 27 now, so all you comics who are older than me and have less years of experience than me can go kill yourselves now. I'm the king.
So cool to be from SF considering the city's contribution to music. Stroke 9, Third Eye Blind, Counting Crows, and don't forget Train. Wow.