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fuck you owls
it's the remix to ignition / i'm eating bread with a pigeon
so glad i was given the gift of knowing by the sound of my cat's scratching what my cat is doing in his cat toilet
it happened to me: i was timon from disney's the lion king
everyone working at subway has love handles
grandma got kicked out of her nursing home for making sangria in the toilet again
the sweet piece of pie @tigersgoroooar put me on a list with a bunch of other losers from the land of misfit toys http://ponystarwars.tumblr.com/post/105365494213/even-best-er-tweeters-of-2014 …
buy our book eight times for yourself this hanukkah. (amazon is sold out btw try indigo.ca plz) http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/stats-canada-satire-on-a/9780143189060-item.html?ikwid=stats+canada&ikwsec=Home&ikwidx=0 …
me: *waiting for uber in the rain*
man: want a ride?
me: yes, absolutely strange man with facial sores i've never met. where is your car
do people get liposuction because they're a. incapable & afraid of exercise b. stupid c. afraid of walking d. drones e. chobani
singer-songwriter lenny kravitz | co-author: stats canada: satire on a national scale: http://amzn.to/16GLq7e