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if francis doesn't enjoy his new expensive beautiful cat bed i will
the legal drinking age should be 12 non negotiable
prove to people you aren't a sociopath by often/erratically changing your twitter bio
i can't wait to buy an apple watch for everyone in my family & entourage
i bet aliens think gyms are tiny prison camps
only 👏 settle 👏 for 👏 a 👏 direct 👏 flight
good comment to leave on an article: "BABIES SMOKING CIGARETTES!! THIS IS BAD!!"
if anyone wears their shoes inside my house it's murder-suicide city & i'm the mayor
me (as uber driver): where are we going
me: have you heard of boats
my uber driver hates me & my cat
my friend/life partner @zoeklar wrote this for vice & i just love it & you will too http://www.vice.com/read/why-are-you-here-reflections-upon-my-time-in-a-boarding-school-for-troubled-teens-323 …
crazy that i've lived in the states for over 2 years & still have all my original skin
someone is wailing on a shofar
if a frozen yogurt place doesn't open within 5 mins from our apt i will scream
california is probably in a drought because of all the eggs i boil
jack nicholson is 8000 years old
jack nicholson is the lizard king
whenever i see someone carrying an orchid on public transit i'm like "i bet you are so delicate !!!!!!!!!!!"
singer-songwriter lenny kravitz | co-author: stats canada: satire on a national scale: http://amzn.to/16GLq7e
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