Björk isn't really lawn-mowing music. Unless you are using a scythe. By the light of the new moon.

I should have started drinking at 11 a.m. like I wanted to.

Asking the same question over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of my children.

Don't like my ice-cold hands during diaper changes? THEN POTTY TRAIN, DAUGHTER.

Oh Sum divided by Total, why you gotta be so Mean?

The Beatles certainly have a monopoly on tax-themed songs.

Never doubt that a small amount of peanut butter can improve an average banana. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Romney's subliminal f-bomb: "Foreign."

You can tell I'm an editor by how many tweets I don't tweet.

Silk has been around centuries before the invention of dry cleaning. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, CLOTHING CARE TAG.

Tonight we're observing National Talk at Me While I'm in Another Room Day, apparently.

Uzi and the Banshees. #dangerousbands

WHERE THE EFF CAN I GET A GODDAMNED ZEN GARDEN RAKE?

@matthewbaldwin You can be such a brat.

Bikini Premeditation. #EarlierVersionsofBands

There's nothing quite like trying on yoga pants to make one realize how much . . . uh . . . karma one has to burn off.

I look forward to the day when the majority of the household laundry is not urine-related.

"That's one hard thing about life. You always have to put socks on." -Shmoo

Hey
@wypr881fm, please consider adding @wits to your schedule because it is terrific.

The thing about mojitos is I need another one.