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  • IamEnidColeslaw
      Mary Charlene @IamEnidColeslaw

    my favorite sex positions:

    - fetal
    - are you done yet?
    - tampon surprise

    • 729
    • FAVS
    Cshift3RClarenceBoyceRawPowerHealthStaviBobWinterJortsFloatingDisctheannalaneBerkProtocols
    • 114
    • RETWEETS
    BooRadley97envioticJuiceyAhabgeinslunchboxwhoredinaryeggsk_loumeg4sythscientisttiger
  • IAmMaggieMull
      Maggie Mull @IAmMaggieMull

    I’m the one you tell your next girlfriend about when you decide its best to not fart in front of each other.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    biorhythmistLukePohjalabennedetojcornelio325bcooklo2spicer_joannanativeminnoweltippy
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    delightphilDrunkBoysBBQ
  • DaveKingThing
      Dave King @DaveKingThing

    "So Bill, for the character of Cliff Huxtable, what kind of doctor were you think--"

    "GYNECOLOGIST!...Sorry. Maybe a Gynecologist?"

    • 72
    • FAVS
    katiekromelowmoonshinorItsMeKimShawRayCoopsKenzstevensonESPNMicheleStephenRStoneDSmoove85
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    Bunz_LimeylizzieCFinNYCcgardensdiaryPbart513briecurtis_Sandy_L_Gel_pratt
  • justinshanes
      Justin Shanes @justinshanes

    I've used Keri Russell's tracking technique from The Americans to tail wedding servers with the best hors-d'oeuvres.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    kevinsecciaamishschoolSCbchbumjuliussharpeItsHamiltonchelseatwatkinsepowersscottSeanersRocks
  • ChaseMit
      Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit

    Gawker is like a drunk, annoying couple at a party fighting over the right way to tell a story you didn't want to hear in the first place.

    • 851
    • FAVS
    DanielRCarrillorgcookeWoolfolk12Narc_TwainpothikIAmJustynaCraigSomersaultzskully
    • 360
    • RETWEETS
    savclemAwildwilliamspothikOmarTZayatBavedByTheShellanarchyagogoEytanBaymesolaranoir
  • DamienFahey
      Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

    I’ll completely change my feelings about True Detective if the final episode ends with Colin Farrell shooting that girl singing in the bar.

    • 702
    • FAVS
    dominique11kevinthaumotivemeansoppoTheFrocketManHollyMemphis2HawtyAnnieGirardYAYmichaelb369
    • 366
    • RETWEETS
    dominique11alexherndz15TheFrocketManHollyMemphisbrookepetexocarlyy_mooreiMATTHEWRYANtburke9876
  • andrewhibbard
      Andrew Hibbard @andrewhibbard

    DO NOT TOUCH YOUR PENIS AFTER CUTTING HABANEROS!

    • 191
    • FAVS
    martysandwichkyliedavison4Bounse44hotmessexpressxBEGBICKMauiTexanDemoniaKittennwalllls
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    NickWillcox99Slender_SirCJLoperAwkwardjokesterJRolettoBenjiorbSamuelJayVanceMrBis
  • TheBiggIdea
      Kevin Biggins @TheBiggIdea

    When I give a tour of our place, and get to the bedroom, I say: "Okay, this is where the tragic happens." #KindaFunnyVeryReal

    • 32
    • FAVS
    A_A_A99Leftofthedial93austinjgebbiajoannezpattenamishschoolChrisUjkicdenMEellelcoco37
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    lcoco37eeramakrsaint8StateOfRileyTheScottfatherTheTweetFarm
  • ChrisRRegan
      Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan

    "I'm sorry, if we could circle back for a second to the 100 pairs of sweatpants..." -- Me, if I was a lawyer deposing Bill Cosby

    • 57
    • FAVS
    500daysofjamiemiss_emily_joamandasvetlanaamishschoolgosman48AdamWhoJohnMarkowitzChrisUjkic
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    MoncitouAmandaSodoonerakStampee72cshea4RadioMcLeanHeadlessGalstephaniesits
  • puddinstrip
      Matt Oswalt @puddinstrip

    Gawkers apology is a landmark victory to all the men out there who simply want to betray their wife and kids with the respect they deserve

    • 72
    • FAVS
    chelsmeowBBowstringstartbuttonuhhhahhhhhamishschoolMrJeff2uScottLinnenYourComicMuse
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    beahorsecatLibertyCentricYourComicMusenicolefreireandymocklisilentpairklownbootsspartymike
  • ChrisRRegan
      Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan

    Gawker is planning to tell the world I once had a Yin/Yang earring.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    Woolfolk12amishschoolJohnMarkowitzWaltSanders997ekgekgekgYourComicMusehstewart04porters
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    YourComicMuse
  • kylekinane
      Kyle Kinane @kylekinane

    Hotels put a band of paper around the toilet seat as a mark of sterility, not so I can finally see what a turd winning a marathon looks like

    • 187
    • FAVS
    bertbot2112lcsbcklsErnieIngleCherylUrias15bettyanderson80ShirleyEwelisawright908TomMitcham
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    ShirleyEweMhighkeyGeedevolspawnedthefredgrumpynurse74comedyfilmguyschuushtonyqualiana
  • DaveKingThing
      Dave King @DaveKingThing

    you guys all going to the retirement party for the comedy phrase "eat a bag of dicks"?

    • 36
    • FAVS
    amishschoolmichael_dolan1SamayzingJoeMandeDamienFaheyjoshfademversacedaltonkorkinthebottle
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • ChrisRRegan
      Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan

    Free album? Hey Wilco! It's not called "show ART!" (Someone forward this to Wilco, please.)

    • 8
    • FAVS
    amishschooljuliussharpeTheBiggIdeaComedyCakeBrianRScullyDAVIDGRULZDUDEjay_ekaj33gdub1972
  • MelissaStetten
      Melissa Stetten @MelissaStetten

    Well I dance like EVERYONE is watching but then take an Ativan for anxiety.

    • 39
    • FAVS
    Bounse44amishschooloz_usaFrivolousMonstacylerwoodslacassandraRealPrincessKimxo_alexismarie
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Sherif_Agiantchristophmeprestaele_cel3milyy_jaynecolor2007WretchedDuvTaylorDanielle6
  • ChrisRRegan
      Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan

    Can I use Cosby as an excuse to not like jazz?

    • 31
    • FAVS
    amishschooltherealsamarag1theameshstewart04gideonevansWaltSanders997ericallenhatchbeerlington
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    DavidYazbekvpfavaleConorGilles
  • DamienFahey
      Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

    Well, that space thingy traveled nine years to get to Pluto so I could be impressed for three seconds before moving on with my life.

    • 418
    • FAVS
    AnnieGirardYAYzachv86ImJeremyBassettjenny3754iveyspellmanfooperdoopButtGawkinV2iamlesley_
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    hara_mwizadawgsindabatub1JaySamaniegoBradMWallaceandreadaniel76Joey_D_TChrzsyHisNameWasRob
  • bazecraze
      Alex Baze @bazecraze

    Next time someone asks if I've seen the Minions movie, I'm gonna show them my gray pube.

    • 184
    • FAVS
    fantasticfarhiakarigremoreconnielingussCynthiaJEllisFattMernandezMykaFoxoconelbill118stlouisartist
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    MykaFoxstlouisartistFresh_LezintoUvKLvr47YourComicMuseAGBouveJustinNardinebaddeggs
  • ChristFinnegan
      Christian Finnegan @ChristFinnegan

    Being a hot sauce aficionado is like bragging about the thickness of your glasses. Congrats on having shitty tastebuds, dude!

    • 15
    • FAVS
    BrockLPriceFLOOKLYNamishschoolchipsandcreamsWhisky_FoxtrotSassafrantzPatMeDownLynndoula
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    DrTchock
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    6 yr old told friend she could go to Starbucks on her own because she was really 24yrs old but had a lot of plastic surgery. 🙏🏽😂😂

    • 539
    • FAVS
    sara_hazzaaJosephPapac3lest1caalcoholyliKaylaOrlovJames_Hutchingswakel27mrsmith196645
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    James_Hutchingsmrsmith196645SouthernCA1983alcoholyliBaesil69StarBrightdaynahoustonFavstar500Favs__

Julius Sharpe’s Recent Discoveries

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