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"Flying Delta out of LaGuardia" should be a colloquialism for going insane.
I don't see problems...I see opportunities. For example, I have a very severe drinking OPPORTUNITY that is affecting my job and home life.
Morgan Freeman could probably take a guess at what happens to Lucy at 100%. He knows VERY detailed things at every other percent.
Good luck adjusting to a new masturbatory routine, teenagers on weeklong family summer vacations. We're all pulling for you.
So, let me get this straight, you won't even follow me and MUTE ME?
Where did people who have 2/3 of a joke go before twitter?
It really upsets me that in the middle of California's worst drought in centuries, I still see people here drinking water.
"I just wrote the dopest song for when airlines in the future put people on hold." Mozart, 1770
When this generation of the elderly are dead, no one will ever again have to wait for someone to write out a check on a supermarket line.
Did you publish in a sociology journal? Then it's not a "social experiment." It's called a "hidden camera prank."
We are creating an environmental disaster that our children will have to fix which is terrifying because my children are really dumb.
You'd think the toothless guy with one shoe winking & giving me a thumbs up wouldn't really impact my day, but you'd be wrong. Still got it.
In celebration of Batman day, I'm going to invite a limber and acrobatic teen boy to live with me!
Given all the love and encouragement I've withheld from my children, they should be much funnier.
I was just refused the right to purchase a Carhartt jacket because my hands are too soft.
Writer for Family Guy and now Dads on FOX. Frequent bathrobe wearer.
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