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The L.A. comedy scene is a pyramid scheme of compliments.
hollowed out pumpkins were used as chamber pots in ancient tim's (my elderly neighbor)
Already pissed at my mom for the things she'll nag me about when she visits this weekend. I DON'T WANT TO FREEZE MY EGGS.
Stop worrying about sexual harassment, you guys, it'll stop when you get older.
I've never logged on to a wedding registry before the only unclaimed gifts are either vacuum filters or a $40,000 bird fountain.
Brandon Weeden is Tony Romo's back-up? Who's the Cowboys' third-stringer, the Dallas Airport Homophobe?
When Twitter's stock tumbles, I blame myself.
Jerry Jones looks like he's wearing an ill-fitting Jerry Jones mask.
California has a ban on plastic bags. Party City is like, "F* you! We're doing it anyway!"
I Didn't Throw It Away Because I Wasn't Sure What It Was: The Ken Jennings Story
Was surprised to see that "47 Ronin" only got 55% Ronin on Ronin Tomatoes.
LOST: Zubaz pants. One leg rolled. In one pocket Discman; the other a Bottle Pop covered in soul-patch trimmings. If found page me yo
What's worse: people who move from NY to become LA assholes, or people who move from LA to become NY assholes?
Hey guys. Stop touching your wife's pregnant belly in pictures. We get it, you came in her.
Get in the Halloween spirit by commenting on every pumpkin carving photo with "Too heteronormative."
Jib Jab is the guy you politely laughed at once, but now have to be rude to so he gets the hint that you'll never be friends.
Thanks for sending me this beautiful baby announcement! Do these go in the recycling or just the regular trash?
I never see the end of Iron Chef because I usually leave Kitchen Stadium early to avoid traffic.
It's not a party in Los Angeles until you meet a fashion model who really wants to do stand-up.
Hi, I'm the guy who goes to your engagement party, talks to your dad about pulp novels and film noir for two hours and then gets his email.
Writer for Family Guy and now Dads on FOX. Frequent bathrobe wearer.
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