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  • JennyJohnsonHi5
      Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5

    Seems like Dennis Rodman could just shoot his buddy over in North Korea a text and smooth things over for Seth Rogen and James Franco.

    • 408
    • FAVS
    freewilleeeehthack13JonSiasTheLeeMangrumimacopyouidiot9MsrEmmeJamMasterJonahJennWheelock
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    MillsDarrylSeiraleighGalaxyfighterLoveFayexoxosaritaluisaainerPinksock67Booffy_dog
  • nealbrennan
      Neal Brennan @nealbrennan

    Dying to hear your CONFIDENT opinion about what this multinational corporation should do against this clandestine attack by a hostile gov't.

    • 208
    • FAVS
    MoleAtWorkBromanConsuladamzopfMaryKoCoLonLon_LOLEriksChasesirisolalawfirst
    • 120
    • RETWEETS
    rivchristianLonLon_LOLrjmoellerHightower915colinscullyJohnBotsfordmattfruchtmanst80umseating
  • GuyEndoreKaiser
      Guy Endore-Kaiser @GuyEndoreKaiser

    Sony is like the mom who cancels Halloween because she heard a rumor that there were going to be razor blades in the candy.

    • 379
    • FAVS
    MialeighsfferniejjberwaldddealcalaMinoWarriornancydohoang123fakeprofilebnl1415
    • 237
    • RETWEETS
    ProvocativeBilldandrakeJeffersonObamaMandelamencorvetteBethkjstadlerFrankPalmerfakehater
  • mrtimlong
      Tim Long @mrtimlong

    All right, North Korea, what movie *should* I see? 'Cause you guys are pretty much my Rotten Tomatoes now.

    • 356
    • FAVS
    MattMeddingsTheXcapistpstinsonfan1kday426ieatsleepfoodSapheriansdorothyhoNicolasfulton
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    BuppalowingsdorothyhoNicolasfultonTerriTagent3881KatieMorroniturtleshelbydwheezy
  • Rosenthaltweets
      Steven Rosenthal @Rosenthaltweets

    Yes, I did go to clown college. But it was on a football scholarship.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    CFBRedditShonShondayEric_MatherstuuliventoAnthDigiMediaLorenzo_007juliussharpeMoonPeople
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    TravisTurnerIIShonShondayYourComicMuseWatTsu42
  • jleefilm
      J Lee @jleefilm

    If I ever call you "chief, champ, or boss" I have a very deep disdain for you.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    SaintJamesWongtuuliventosirisolajuliussharpeDebiMossSchelerDagagaYuluguOhNoSheTwitnt
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    TravisTurnerIIdelightphilKevinJensen76jmowen3DagagabellajuliantiAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • ChaseMit
      Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit

    The logo for Au Bon Pain should be a guy in an airport speed-eating over a garbage can.

    • 1,049
    • FAVS
    BigLeagueLittle_Elizabeth_Kpeterj3421JewGuessedItLavishTantrumsSmittyinNYCGoldenRoseTrailSerenity6969
    • 400
    • RETWEETS
    aegreen22jessica_friday1YourComicMuseJakezNYCdownwithfbowenmarsh14SwitzeyBabaGlocal
  • croninwhocares
      Dan Cronin @croninwhocares

    I love some of you, but you're still collectively the people who sat around and did nothing as I went bald.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    _Elizabeth_KseamesquatthejusemanRaiMahmoodnotbriancharlesslack2thefutureDikeMixonPhillaf
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    BrandyDaSilva77BaldGuyGreetingAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • trumpetcake
      Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake

    Is "Kitchen Inferno" the show where contestants run inside burning homes and create gourmet entrées before succumbing to smoke inhalation?

    • 82
    • FAVS
    TalesOfEndirontheewrenSCbchbumRowdyPrimatejosiewashspecialsquideddiepepitoneGottaHaveFS
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    linsdlgeeksbewithyouBigHossTorgyalsage36DanielSilveyraRoughlandBrandyDaSilva77JoeDreshar
  • jleefilm
      J Lee @jleefilm

    But I can't help but wonder what sneaky provision is being snuck into a 900 pg bill while we're all out asking police not to kill us anymore

    • 17
    • FAVS
    SperedonYulugu_Elizabeth_KstoneygahranbadluckleoDamienFaheyAishaHindsjleefilm
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Typo_EmceeZanyWilliamsFishforkVincentahmedbestAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • DamienFahey
      Damien Fahey @DamienFahey

    It's truly amazing what Abraham Lincoln accomplished while wearing such a big stupid hat.

    • 323
    • FAVS
    ReklaitisT16MarkZeihenJrKellieKGravesitsCrabrunnergirl214roxyee91LoFo96CabetoMejia
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    farhaan_8javiguerreroLeoTollxjames00_rara3266cjdjpdxSlimDorianJake_Nes
  • TheNardvark
      Bryan Donaldson @TheNardvark

    I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from Thanksgiving.

    • 133
    • FAVS
    danita_35BigMedwardsTheMarxicannapsaregnarlydanaruadhallison3macerica_rosieweclassy
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    CarpetBaggageraeganramonechrisreidradioJake_YoungGunAlexMalsLVDaniMissLaurynMarieNusiGb
  • porters
      Spencer Porter @porters

    That's right, movie alcoholic, knock over those empty beer cans. But don't get your foot stuck in the lawn chair! Ah shit look what you did.

    • 615
    • FAVS
    IvoEmpireBaeChapmanmichelleakanlawren12carriehudsonaligarchyLauralye6blindinglights3
    • 181
    • RETWEETS
    DefinitelyIrishccasarsaLauralye6fly_me2_MARSthelauracaskeydethrone69bradagrahamsunnykooy
  • GuyEndoreKaiser
      Guy Endore-Kaiser @GuyEndoreKaiser

    You didn't have to draw something fancy in my latte. Did I not mention I was just going to drink it?

    • 147
    • FAVS
    M_Porfiri0VodkaShorebirdcourtistachissFGilfoylenealcampbellTattooedMiseryTopherKapSerenity6969
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    VILLHAVERstephenrahn13TaitJensentagfitnessShuvoR_ProactivecookTheSatinSilkphilqb2
  • samkalidi
      Sam Kalidi @samkalidi

    Destruction caused by the storm in Los Angeles. pic.twitter.com/WzaWS9mF09

    • 911
    • FAVS
    ms_mimsCatherineNetWebO_Hole44WhiteRabbitRiokenejr64MariaUnfilteredCarrieHOlerichJustDelgado
    • 511
    • RETWEETS
    ms_mimsomamainestojkovic_alexmagarikaJose_Sandoval29towtansuaGrumpyCaityLauraSezi
  • kevinseccia
      Kevin Seccia @kevinseccia

    Swinger parties sound bad because even the idea that my keys are touching all those other people's keys is gross and weird.

    • 53
    • FAVS
    RhyLooshWeirdWorkaholicKappa_KappajennregenReal_ChrisHallJarrodOMurraylaker71965VandalGrrl
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    aDamntavaresMeccaBrookscornaxiChaloidePaulaUgleeTruthScottsWife19atrubensAvatar_unknown_48
  • jenstatsky
      Jen Statsky @jenstatsky

    This morning on my way to work I realized I might be sexually attracted to the Pep Boys.

    • 82
    • FAVS
    _Elizabeth_KBeardedMaladiesCh8rmingjuskewitchSamReidSayse_claire33JKALittleDamienFahey
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    tullynoonMarkHendricks18afrodinomullenbuuPresideoIAmTimishmusculardogDeanOkay
  • bobpowers1
      Bob Powers @bobpowers1

    Just once I want to see an obituary end with, "Screw charity. Our mom died. Send us some god damn flowers."

    • 13
    • FAVS
    _Elizabeth_KDamienFaheyms_willowDeLaDiningscotticusphdel_machoTheNardvarksamhithere
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    MichellePiazzaAvatar_unknown_48
  • ChrisRRegan
      Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan

    I worked at Sony Music as an advertising writer in the mid 90s. I hope the hackers don't find my emails relating to Our Lady Peace.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    PoojakPrasharAwfulgoodnessbig_bear_mnSCbchbumsamemeansgrahamgreerLeah923johnpaulkeith
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    JSaray204Avatar_unknown_48
  • imaliwaller
      ali waller @imaliwaller

    Holiday tip: freak people the fuck out by wearing a surgical mask at the mall.

    • 39
    • FAVS
    MarcusTheTokenminea17Mila_TheNLTJdruer__juliussharpeitskeeksdfxm326blues2myshoes
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    newcasmLindaStaacomedyfilmguytwinkiesandwineWestleyDangJohnMolonyAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48

Julius Sharpe’s Recent Discoveries

@juliussharpe

@juliussharpe

Writer for Family Guy and now Dads on FOX. Frequent bathrobe wearer.

Tweets that @juliussharpe has recently discovered and favorited or retweeted.