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If you're having trouble finding an acceptable outlet for your anger just purchase a beach umbrella.
Great scam: donate all your clothes to Goodwill, then buy them back at half price!
"Leaked" is such a nice way to say "stolen by an immoral creep."
The only difference between riding a tandem bike with your 8 yr old and dragging a dead body is nothing.
If Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight" is 283 on the countdown, what's 500? The beheading of Daniel Pearl?
"Awwww, did somebody leak your photos, modern celebrity? Fans can be weird sometimes, I guess." John Lennon, heaven.
Can the celebrity nudie pic leaker guy please also let us know what ISIS is up to
Every woman's dessert order starts with, "I shouldn't."
You don’t need to specify that you like the finer things in life. Everyone does.
Why does saying "I'm so ugly" after someone takes a picture of me make me feel so alive
I don't know how to tell my mom that hot gluing shells to things isn't art.
Pandora refuses to believe I don't like Journey.
Hey, TV shows with doorbells or cell phone rings that sound exactly like mine. Stop it. I don't need that kind of stress in my life.
Ok, you assholes, I'm only gonna say this one more time: it's not a botched circumcision, it's a parrot bite! Now can we plz move on?
My iPhone is scratched on the inside.
I'm reaching cartoon character-levels of wearing the same jeans every day
Writer for Family Guy and now Dads on FOX. Frequent bathrobe wearer.
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