Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Please don't tell me about your juice cleanse. It takes too much energy to keep myself from rolling my eyes.
The court ruled it was just a Manslaughter Mystery dinner
PEOPLE IN LA ALWAYS TRY TO GET YOU W PRIME TRAFFIC TIME MEETINGS "HOW ABOUT 4 IN CULVER CITY" LETS DRIVE OFF SANTA MONICA PIER INSTEAD
Neighbors are yelling at each other again. This is why everyone should learn Armenian in high school.
I wish I could commit to anything as strongly as Pharrell has committed to a ridiculous hat.
Homely woman w/ unfortunate haircut asked me for directions to Central Park today. I gave them to her but ugh! It's been one of those weeks!
There is a GLUTEN DEMON on "Scooby-Doo." We've hit cultural rockbottom.
"Feels like a Tuesday but it's Wednesday." – Boston
Accidentally pooped on my cape must be high up on the list of drawbacks of being a superhero.
Funny...we take the train to the gym, but then we train at the gym… I don't know, there's something there.
I would be absolutely crushed if I found out John Wayne wore pajamas.
Guys, you won't believe this. I just said the phrase "Fart Bomb Supreme" and got zero laughs from my mother OR wife! Strange times.
We took an evolutionary step backwards with the burrito bowl.
If I were a waitress, I'd get a doctor’s note excusing me from singing “Happy Birthday” to customers.
See a penny, pick it up. All day long, you'll feel very Jewish.
Please don't yell at Asians on the highway. We've been trying to avoid driving ever since we built your railroad.
Get that wrap-around tattoo on your calf! Make the rest of your life about those weird two months when you were twenty-two!
Writer for Family Guy and now Dads on FOX. Frequent bathrobe wearer.